I bought my Wii in 2009. Since then, it has been a loyal companion. It didn’t get all butt hurt when I bought an Xbox 360 three years later and slowly began to ignore it. It doesn’t mind that I really only use it now for the Wii Fit or the rare Skyward Sword revisit.
Now, I’m considering buying a Wii U and phasing it out altogether because Hyrule Warriors has arrived, and despite its medium shitty reviews, I REALLY WANT TO PLAY IT. There can be only one, Wii, and unfortunately, it is you who will have to go. (Just to a box, probably in storage, but it sounds more dramatic to make it sound like I’m sending it out on an ice floe, never to return.)
But it is a bit hard to let go.
Video games hold memories for many people. My Wii holds the memory of the first time I decided “FUCK THIS SHIT. I WANT TO PLAY GAMES.”
This is where the scene dissolves into a heartwarming montage from my memories, so brace yourselves.
At the end of 2009, I decided to buy a Wii because I was still dealing with the emotional fallout of a total jerkwad dumping me. He was the kind of jerkwad who tells you that he likes you and goes out on several fun dates with you and then MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS. But it wasn’t the kind of disappearance you get over after a few weeks and move on. No. This jerkwad reappeared a few weeks later to apologize and insist that he really did like me but just needed time to adjust to the idea of someone new. He did this magic act several times. When he did reappear, every time the disappearance was my fault. I’d pushed him too hard, and he got scared. One time he broke up with me and then invited me to meet his parents the same day. In that order. I was completely befuddled.
Finally, after about six months of this, I was trying to get up the nerve to tell him to shove his hot and cold act right up his ass when, out of the blue, he broke up with me and insisted he was serious this time. I was more angry at the fact that I didn’t get to be the one to break up with him. I had it all planned out in my head and was probably planning to quote Love, Actually or something.
Months passed. “Friends” who were “breakup experts” kept telling me that I was due to get over it any time and just needed to “move on.” (I’m dead serious about all those quotation marks.) But I couldn’t let it go. I was mad. I was hurt. I was disappointed. I wanted to chop something repeatedly with a big sword.
So, I decided to buy a Wii. It was the first time I spent actual money on a gaming console and didn’t just inherit it or buy a used one from Ebay. I marched right into a Best Buy after work one day and picked up all the accoutrement and carried it on the subway and then the half-mile walk home. It was raining. I didn’t care. I had my Wii.
I plugged it in as soon as I got home. Boxes and other assorted packing material were strewn all over my living room. At some point many hours later, I was playing Super Mario Galaxy and realized I had forgotten to eat dinner. It seemed I had finally found the cure for my inner turmoil.
Now that I’m mostly well adjusted and in a much happier relationship, it will be interesting to look back on my Wii U memories five or ten years from now when they come out with the next gen console and I insist on buying it. Will it be called the Wii U2? Or perhaps the Wiiii? I guess we’ll see when that time comes.