N64, mixed media, 2013.
I spent Sunday night/all day Monday marathoning Bayonetta 2 with my friends Lauren and Hannah. I had a wonderful time, and have a lot to say about it once my brain finally recovers from the BARRAGE of SPECTACLE (my right thumb is mostly recovered from the ordeal, after four days). I thought it was incredibly fitting that we were rewarded with unlocked concept art upon defeating the final boss and completing the game, because the style on display in this game…well, let’s just say I’ve been a wee bit obsessed this week. And lo and behold! Yesterday, Gita Jackson published a killer article on Bayonetta style for Paste. It is excellent, and I’d highly recommend checking it out, HOWEVER: Continue reading
I thought I had gotten lost in the ocean, but I hadn’t I was just a silly goose; finally I checked my map after too embarrassingly long to admit. Once I got back on track I placed my key in the AirLock Access Plant and realized I had found the ACTUAL secret base. Now I’m not so disappointed. I take back everything I said last time about the hiding skills. Immediately I find a diary revealing more shitty parenting by Sofia Lamb. I don’t understand how you could experiment on your own baby. I mean, I’m just saying. The similarities between Eleanor Lamb and Elizabeth Comstock are interesting. Both of these poor girls were basically abused by their parental figures for a “Greater Good,” a “Utopia,” and that is fucked up. Also they were raised by bonded half-man-half-machine creatures. Songbird and Delta seem to care more for the wellbeing and survival of these two women more than their parents even cared to attempt.
I mean, it’s kind of fitting that Lamb is keeping Eleanor in a Prison Hospital, considering she’s always treated her daughter like a captive instead of her child. I wonder does she even love her? Does anyone else ever wonder these things when they play games? If she does love her, does she just love her ideals more? HEARTFUCKINGBREAKING. Continue reading
The Koopalings. Evil minions of Bowser or cutting-edge trendsetters? Let’s dig deeper with this ultimate ranking of Koopalings by hairstyle…
Roy, the bald look is totally in, but if you want to Vin Dazzle, you have got to make the effort.
STOP THE PRESSES.
I was going through the comments on Gamervescent, as I tend to do on a Monday night, and deleting all the ones offering me great deals on “fendi peekaboo” or “parajumpers sale.” And I came across one comment on our recent post about Dragon Age Inquisition hairstyles. This comment told me some things. BIG THINGS. Things I’d never thought about before.
I get very shouty when I play Zelda games. Probably because, let’s face it, Link is a frustrating guy. Especially when he jumps weird and falls into a chasm or blows himself up LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT. So here’s my list of insults to use when Link is being a bonehead. Shout them at your discretion.
1. Wind Wanker
2. Link to My Ass
3. Ocarina of the Time I Said OMG NO GRAB THE BLOCK NOT CLIMB ON TOP OF IT
4. Dork Link
5. Majora’s CAN’T YOU RUN ANY [MASK]ER?
6. What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
7. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
8. I guess SOMEBODY likes being on fire
9. Fine. I’m saving it here so that you can be on fire until I decide to come back NEXT WEEK. See how you like that.
10. Skyward S-word
HANNAH: When you play games online, you run into all sorts of people. Some are pleasant; others are not. If you like someone because of their skills, personality, or just simple banter over the mic, you likely add them as your online friend for future games. I have been fortunate to meet some of the coolest people while playing Mass Effect 3 and Resident Evil 6 in multiplayer mode and can proudly say they are my ‘Xbox live friends.’ Here is a story about one of the amazing online players I know.
Earlier this year, I was playing the Mercenaries minigame in RE6 two-player mode. I was playing so well with this player named ‘Agrarian Power’ and kept cracking up because they kept commanding their character to speak like every 2 seconds.
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Go and get ‘em.”
“Heh, all too easy.”
I assumed the other player was using the voice commands as a joke, or possibly trying to annoy me, but I had no complaints because they were so damn good at controlling Jake Muller, throwing awesome counter attacks (which I was still trying to master). We played a few more ass-kicking rounds with high scores and pretty soon, decided to become ‘friends’ so we could kick more zombie and J’avo asses later. Then I received a message that floored me: “Thanks for being patient with me, I am blind and some people get mad but we had some good games.”
What? Blind? I thought they were just messing around at first, and asked them millions of questions about how they play video games with visual impairment, and how they were sending and reading my messages. The answers were simple: he—who turned out to be a guy named Carlos—plays by ear, and he uses a screen reader program on the computer to check and write messages.
Since then we have played a lot more Mercenaries and exchanged many chit-chats, and Carlos is one of the most interesting gamers I know. I asked him to partake in this article to talk about his love and amazing adaptability for video games, and he agreed to express his thoughts. I bet you my gamer tag that you’ll agree he deserves this title!
— Heinous Evilous
Everybody has at least one of those friends who, when approached with the idea of playing video games, responds with a hearty, “But I’m terrible at video games!” Two people said that to me this week. And I won’t stand for it, I tell you. Won’t stand for it!
I know how this happens. You’re a pre-teen. You go to a friend’s house to play video games. Within the first ten seconds of Super Mario Bros., you walk off a cliff or run face-first into a Goomba. Somebody laughs and takes the controller from you like you’re a total idiot, and suddenly you feel insecure. “I guess I’m just no good,” you say.
Earlier this week I had a girls night with one of my closest, straightest female friends. And like most times she and I are hanging out in a private-ish space stocked with a copious amount of wine, the conversation eventually turned to men—men in general and the ones we call our own in particular—how gorgeous they are, how stunningly, unwittingly sexually attractive men are, just ambling about their day-to-day business without a clue of the things we’re thinking about them.
Women know. All women know, on a very basic level, that other people see us as sex objects. It’s all around us, all the time; it’s embedded, more or less overtly, in nearly every message our society sends us. And that’s the problem there, is that it’s in every message, that it’s expected to be our primary purpose, regardless of whatever else we may be or may be doing. That sucks, and isn’t okay, and is another subject for a whole lot of better writing elsewhere. In an appropriate context, however, it’s pretty great: being willingly, consensually sexually objectified is a helluva lot of fun. And objectifying someone else in service of your own satisfaction? That’s a head trip and a half, and it’s a pleasure that most of us rarely get a chance to enjoy in the media provided for our entertainment. Sitting in my seat at the movies, I’ve gotta get my pants-buzz watching Jason Statham just happen to look the way he looks while he’s pretending to murder nameless bad guys; it’s unlikely that there will be a scene showing him strip down solely for the purpose of titillating people like me. That’s been changing recently, however, and Maker bless BioWare, nobody does a better job of catering to (or trying to cater to, at least) everybody’s desires. Continue reading