All posts by Bethany

Today We Give Thanks

ocarina party

Bethany is thankful for:

 

Brett is thankful for:

  • Nintendo – I bought a Wii U in March. A month or so later, so did one of my best friends. Then our other best friend bought one when he came in from Korea for the summer. We reunited with an old friend from school last weekend, crammed into my room, playing Smash Bros and Mario Kart while reminiscing. I haven’t really gotten excited for games in a long time, only buying one or two things a year for a while now, but the Wii U really reinvigorated me, and I’m so happy that my closest friends own one too so that we can all play and laugh with one another, even if one of us is currently in another country. And if we aren’t playing together, we’re usually sending obscene messages to each other in the Miiverse. Nothing says friendship like crudely drawn penises, right?
  • Anita Sarkeesian – For making awesome feminist video critiques. Also, thanks to loudmouths who hate her for making it very clear to me that I should avoid you. It’s good to know up-front you’re an asshole that I shouldn’t bother with, saves me so much time and energy.
  • Bethany and Jennifer – For being totally cool with letting an idiot like me contribute to such a great gaming site with my inane rambling! [Eds. Note: Awww! ♥♥]

 

Hannah (who is currently in Korea visiting family) is thankful for:

  • Portable games, such as Nintendo 3DS series and mobile games. My airline and train travels are not boring anymore!

 

Jennifer is thankful for:

  • Bethany Bryan and her twisted amazing hilarious brain and her beautiful bottomless heart. Y’all know Bethany is the reason this website still exists, right? When I grew too weary of shouldering the burden on my own and nearly abandoned it, Bethany trekked out to find G-vesc and me lying lost and almost dead in the wasteland and carried us back out again (true story!!). If you enjoy reading Gamervescent, you should send her a card, or at least a Facebook wall post of naked Alistair. [Bethany Note: This seriously made me a little teary. You’re too much.]
  • …and the rest of these jokers who contributed to this post and contribute regularly to this site. Luv u guysss, you are the best people who exist, seriously.
  • And also the best person who does not (yet!) contribute to this site, my wonderful friend who works at GameStop and made sure my guy and I got a Deluxe Edition of Dragon Age Inquisition even though we didn’t pre-order it. That’s love, man.
  • The vastly improved make-out physics in Dragon Age Inquisition’s romance cutscenes in comparison to those of previous DA games, dang!
  • Troy Baker’s vocal cords.
  • Admiral David Anderson’s never not hilarious workout plan.
  • Jake Muller’s henley.
  • Geometry Wars.
  • The Riot Gun.
  • Ghost Grant Collier, who watches over us all.
  • Photoshop, god bless it.

 

Joe is thankful for:

  • blocks that spit out mushrooms
  • the Tanooki Suit
  • bananas
  • barrels
  • Lon Lon Milk
  • Adam Jensen’s dialogue in Deus Ex
  • Dagoth Ur and the Sixth House
  • that there are two Warthogs accessible in the beach level of Halo: Combat Evolved
  • the eternal challenge of Trials HD
  • the wrench of BioShock
  • the combat tonics that improve wrench combat in BioShock
  • the way Mario does flip jumps in the Tanooki Suit if you get a star

 

Justin is thankful for:

  • that my birthday is so close to Thanksgiving I get a new game EVERY TIME
  • [relevant to the above:] Bizarre Creations’ newest Geometry Wars 3!!! I LOVED the first two in the series and now in 3D? Let’s do this!
  • Light bridges. When traveling becomes a bore, run across a bridge of pure light and try to complain – can’t. lightbridge
  • Yoshi plush toys. Because… this: yoshis
  • Dragon Age Inquisition’s in-depth character creation! I have never been able to make a believable Asian character until the new DA came along with its healthy number of toggles and swatches! Yeah, Haeinous has whitish-blue hair and more face tats in DA than she does in real life, but still. THIS IS AMAZING! IMG_1350

 

Kaylan is thankful for:

  • My boyfriend being patient with me whenever a new game I am super into is released.
  • My poppa bear always asking what games I’m into now (even though I know he has no idea what I am talking about).
  • That my friends understand how angry I get with multiplayer gaming and don’t bother me to join them.
  • Those who keep creating amazing flash games that have deeper meaning and challenge my thinking.
  • I am thankful for Gamervescent allowing me to geek out all over the place, as well as learning more about my friends and what gaming means to them. So thank you, loves! [Eds.: Awww, again! ♥♥♥]
  • Happy Turkey Day!

 

Laura is thankful for:

  • Cooperative games, because I love playing with my friends. My favourite evening is a Mario Party evening.
  • Having enought money to play World of Warcraft every month. It is such a great game.
  • I am thankful for the new versions of old games. Especially the Legend of Zelda games! Does anyone really have enough space for all the old consoles and the old games?
  • The rainy days. They are the perfect excuse for a gaming day. We don’t have many of those in Madrid, so that makes it much more special.
  • I am thankful for portable consoles. I used to have a Game Boy and it was huge, heavy, and the battery was shitty, so I couldn’t really play outside with it for a long time. Now I travel a lot and the Nintendo 3DS is perfect even for a 6-hour trip.
  • Finally, I am so thankful for those who make walkthroughs of difficult games and share them online. You guys are heroes.

 

And we are ALL thankful for you wonderful weirdos who visit this site! Have a great Thanksgiving, dudes.

So…About My Actual Boyfriend

futurama_s03e06

I posted a fictionalized account on Friday of my experiences going to GameStop. And afterwards my real boyfriend read it and said, “Do I really do that?”

So I wanted to take a few minutes to tell you the differences between the fictionalized version of my boyfriend in the story and my actual boyfriend, whose name is Mike and not “Boyfriend.” Here are the facts.

Continue reading

Casual Sexism Isn’t Stupid. I’m Stupid.

derp

Am I doing this right? Help.

My favorite part of going to GameStop is when I remove MY PowerUp Rewards card from MY wallet and hand it to the cashier. And he turns to my boyfriend and asks him, “Did you want to use the points you’ve accumulated to pay for this?”

I just stand there smiling stupidly because that’s what I do. I just can’t ever make a decision! It’s so embarrassing. Points? What are those? I’m terrible at math. Is 85,000 points a lot?? How much is that in money?

Continue reading

The Countdown to Dragon Age: Inquisition

dai

What are you doing while you wait for the release of Dragon Age: Inquisition? Me? I’m waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I can’t even play other video games because all I want is Dragon Age: Inquisition, and everything else feels like a lame substitution, like when someone says, “Don’t eat that ice cream. Have this cup of plain yogurt instead to satisfy those dessert cravings.” It’s like, “SHUT UP, DOOFUS.” While we wait in the mutual agreement that waiting is a crock, let’s look at this collection of gifs you can use when someone asks you what you’re doing with your time prior to the release of Dragon Age: Inquisition.

Continue reading

Welcome to Our Spam Comment Gallery

I always feel a little guilty, marking comments in our feed as spam. Some spammer worked really hard on that blurb, typing it up, running it through Google Translate, and then copying the result and pasting it into a comment box. Therefore, I read each and every one, carefully assessing its attributes and trying to decide how to respond. Today, I’m stepping away from video games talk to share a gallery of exactly .0003% of the spam we receive and have to delete on a daily basis.

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 1.03.27 PM

What is your Chinese zodiac sign? I was born in the year of the Goat or Sheep or goat.

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 1.03.37 PM

The best type of spam is the kind where the spammer tries to slyly make his or her comment sound relevant to the discussion. Try this “high quality in the cellphone” idk it’s kewl or whatever.

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 1.03.56 PM

Pssssst. I had a tinge of complexion once. I used some cream, and it cleared right up.

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 1.04.45 PM

I’m actually disappointed that Al Kazeem is a racehorse and this isn’t someone’s short story about a proud family of centaurs who are creating their own fashion line for Urban Outfitters.

Screen Shot 2014-10-15 at 10.22.01 AM

Has anyone checked on Suri Cruise today? I think this person is trying to sell her.

Eczema ugg outlet

ALERT THE PRESS. ECZEMA IS A UGG OUTLET ONLINE. IT MUST BE STOPPED.

accomplishments distinctiveness

One day, when I am accepting an important and prestigious award, I’m just going to quote this verbatim.

during the school holidays

“Kids, gather around. Grandpa is going to show you his belt, and then we’ll sing Fendi college belt carols.”

mike burke racecar

Mike Burke, are you listening back there? I said that racecar spelled backwardzzzzz is racecar. There will be a test on this.

my spouse and i

This is sad if you read it as a comment that Marie Curie left on an article about radium.

office sweater

Indiana Jones and the Search for an Office Sweater That Is Not Too Hot

platform shoes

“What are platform shoes, granddad?” “Well, Rebecca…”

sharon kelly

Just let it out, Sharon. Feel your feelings.

praise her body

Anthony looked into Vanessa’s eyes and finally uttered the words she had been needing to hear for the six months of their whirlwind relationship. “Vagina perfect. Love how your vagina responds to my touch. Be careful with choice of words. 3.” And Vanessa knew that she and Anthony would be together forever.

 

How to Get Your Own Ser Pounce-a-Lot in Time for Halloween

DAO_Kitten_-_gift

Sir Pounce-a-Lot, Ferelden’s king of the cats.

I was 3/4 of the way through Dragon Age: Awakening when I got a frantic text from Jennifer Culp. “GO BACK AND START FROM THE BEGINNING. I DON’T CARE HOW FAR YOU ARE. JUST DO IT.”

I responded with something glib like, “LOL NOPE.” But soon I understood that I’d made a huge mistake. By releasing Anders and denying him entrance to the Grey Wardens, which I didn’t think was a huge deal at the time I did it, I had lost Ser Pounce-a-Lot. Within four hours of realizing this mistake, I decided I did want to start over.

And so back to the beginning I went.

Continue reading

Party on, Vorcha

I can’t say too much about the Citadel DLC for Mass Effect 3, or I might give important things away to my compadre Jennifer Culp, who hasn’t finished it yet. The DLC is FULL of fun, lighthearted, even sentimental moments (in addition to the action). But I do have to share a gif of one of my favorite things in the history of Mass Effect. I present to you, “Party Vorcha.”

party vorcha

I <3 Oghren

oghren

It could be argued that I’m just very partial to dwarves. Gimli is my favorite part of Lord of the Rings, hands down. And don’t even get me talking about The Hobbit or I’ll bore you with all about how Bombur is the best because he has an appreciation of fine cheese.

So, it follows that I love Oghren. He’s disgusting. He drinks too much. He says inappropriate things to the female party members. But when he turned up in Awakening, ready to be a Grey Warden, I squealed audibly. I love that pervert. There is something very reassuring about taking a dwarf warrior with a huge axe into the fray.

<3