All posts by Bethany

A “The Last of Us” Review I Meant to Write Months Ago and Now Can’t Remember the Details For

The Last of Us

Several months ago I  had the opportunity to play through The Last of Us, a post-apocalyptic game developed by Naughty Dog. If you haven’t played this game, you really should and soon. Why? I can’t remember because I played it months ago and forgot to tell you about it then, but trust me when I say it’s worth your time.

OH MY GOD! At the beginning of the game, something HUGE happens. If memory serves, it’s terrifying, and you spend a lot of time biting your nails and screaming in terror as you try to navigate through some stuff that has totally slipped my mind. Was it a car crash? Were some guys chasing me? I CAN’T REMEMBER. But it’s possible that both those things happened, and you would be a total idiot to not play that game and re-live the experience that I can no longer remember.

I recollect that I spent a lot of time in hiding, scrounging for ammo and tools to help me along my path to wherever I was going. I seem to remember shooting guys and throwing bombs and running away and running away some more. But it’s possible that all these months later, I’m mixing The Last of Us up with another game, and it was really one of those puzzle games where you swap candies until you can’t anymore and then pay your phone 99 cents for more turns.

Now, maybe at some point the Joker showed up as well, but I can’t verify that at this time, as I’m also trying to write a review of Arkham Asylum.

In short, if you like running away from clicking zombies, throwing bombs, shooting stuff, voice actresses that aren’t Ellen Page, brooding main characters who make questionable moral decisions, a pretty engrossing storyline that I can no longer remember, and possibly the Joker, The Last of Us is for you.

 

Bethany Bryan writes funny things at Welcome to Bethville! and xoJane.

The Walking Dead is Dead to Me

The Walking Dead

Ewwwww! The grossest thing happened to me the other day. I was playing The Walking Dead, and there was this zombie. So, I went to kill him right in his face, and I realized that I hadn’t inverted my Y-axis.

And here’s where things got super gross. THERE WASN’T AN OPTION TO INVERT THE Y-AXIS. What the lump, Telltale Games? That zombie ate the crap out of me because I couldn’t even defend myself, like some useless guy who stands with his back to a glass window and says, “Those zombies will never get in here!”

So, I did a bunch of research on the internet, and a lot of people are mad about this. Per usual, I’m late to the mad people party. And I guess my question now is, “WHYYYYYY????” I wanted to play The Walking Dead really, really bad. I downloaded the demo and saved up my nickels to buy the full game. I was all excited to finally have all the fun other people seemed to be having. And then my fun was ruined by that part of my brain that learned how to play shooters on N64 where the Y-axis is automatically inverted.

It’s unfair, man! UNFAIR I TELL YOU. It’s like they don’t even care about how my brain works.

So, here’s what I did. I put that game right back in the box and returned it and got a copy of Resident Evil 6 instead. What do you think about that, Telltale Games? Not so funny now, is it?

I’m so mad right now, I could attempt to aim for a face with a shotgun and then accidentally point my gun at the zombie’s feet instead.

 

If you want to be REALLY SCARED by more SUPER SCARY THINGS like no option to invert the Y-axis controls, you should check out Bethany Bryan’s Frightening Fridays.

My Little Pony Mod

Let it be said here that my friend Meredith has good ideas. A few weeks ago, one of her ideas was to mod some My Little Ponies, and ever since she mentioned the idea, the tiny wheels in my brain have been turning.

I still have most of the My Little Ponies from when I was a kid. Even that one that the dog chewed up that time. And it was that sad, chewed-up pony that I decided would be perfect to turn into Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite.

Here’s what I did.

First! I removed her mane. (Her tail was already long gone.)

Then! I made her hair, skirt, and choker using polymer clay.

After that! I baked the whole mess at 175 degrees for 40 minutes.

And finally! I painted my wee Liz pony.

My Little Elizabeth

I’m doing Songbird next. Stay tuned.

 

Bethany Bryan writes funny things at Welcome to Bethville! and xoJane, sells the very best splicer masks on Etsy, and mods plastic ponies.

Let Me Help You Fall in Love with Shooters

Halo Shooter

Over the past week, two different people, who I believe are not part of a conspiracy of asking me eerily similar things, mentioned “not really enjoying shooters” but wanted to know more about BioShock Infinite and other shooting games.

So, I thought I would lay some stuff out there for people who are not necessarily into shooters and where to start if you want to give them a chance. Continue reading

The Other Night I Wiped Out An Entire Race

Quarians

The other night I killed the quarians. All of them. If you go looking for quarians, you won’t find anybody, just an empty patch of space.

The Mass Effect universe is filled with big decisions. Who to put in charge of things. Who to trust, who not to trust. When to hold ‘em. When to fold ‘em. When to walk away, and when to run. You know… But until I destroyed the quarians, I never felt like my decisions made that big of a difference. I was just going with it. Continue reading

My LEGO Lord of the Rings Movie Script

Lord of the Rings LEGOs

Hey, I have a really great idea for a movie, and I’m looking for some producers to help get it off the ground. So, let me know if you want to invest. It’s like this. I wrote a script based on the LEGO Lord of the Rings video game. I know, right? It’s all of the action and drama of Lord of the Rings, but it’s LEGO guys. So, it’s like the game, except it’s a movie, so all you need to do is just sit there and watch the LEGO action, rather than interacting with it. Doesn’t that sound like something you want to pay $13 to watch while you eat a $7 tub of popcorn? I posted a tiny excerpt below. Continue reading