All posts by Bethany

HEY, LISTEN! Want to Write for Gamervescent?

hey listen

We know that you have opinions on games. We want to hear them. Why not send them our way so that EVERYONE can hear them?

Some things you should know:

1. You don’t have to be a professional writer, just a person who loves video games. (Or is just in a “friends with benefits” situation with video games.)

2. All gaming skill levels are welcome. Even if you just watched someone play a video game once and have something interesting to say about it, we want to see your pitch.

3. It can be an essay about how you got into gaming, your opinion on a game (current, retro, tabletop), photos of gaming-related arts and crafts you made, humor pieces, videos, or something we haven’t even thought of yet! As long as it’s entertaining, we want to see your pitch.

4. Keep it under 1,500 words.

5. If your  piece includes pictures, make sure they’re good quality. The higher resolution available, the better; we rarely stick an image smaller than 400px wide in a post. DON’T steal images from other lil’-blogs-that-could sitesif you use images from the Internet, make sure they’re widely available. Taking your own screengrabs is great! And illustrating your own ideas in pictorial formholy shit, that might be even better.

6. If you have a question about anything, ask!

7. Most importantly… Be cool. No “why biology dictates that men are better at video games than women” pitches or videos of you dressing a toddler as a koopa shell and throwing him into traffic.

Send us your pitches at submissions@gamervescent.com. Give us a few days to get back to you. Listen to our apologies as we explain to you that we can’t pay you in anything but love and heart emojis and personal blog promotion at this point.

This site exists because we like playing games and we really like having oddball conversations about games with our friends. We don’t care if you haven’t played the latest AAA game released last midnight yet. We think you’re cool even if you really suck at driving or shooting or jumping on mushrooms in games. We want to hear why you poured hours into leveling all your attributes to 100 for a chance to fight the Ebony Warrior in Skyrim. We want to laugh about the way Luigi gains airtime by flailing his legs when he jumps in Mario 2. We want to argue over who’s the hottest video game dude of all time (Dante NO Brynjolf NO Garrus NOPE Leon Scott Kennedy DEFINITELY). We want to hear your summary of the plot of Final Fantasy XIII as you understand it from hearing your significant other play in the next room. We want to read about the secret room you discovered in Donkey Kong 64, and the way playing Zelda games impacted your childhood, and how you made a life-long friend in WoW. We want to decorate My Little Pony dolls to make them look like BioShock Infinite characters. We want to see pictures of your pets’ best cosplays.

We don’t tolerate assholes ’round these parts.

If you’re interested in contributing to Gamervescent, hit us up! submissions@gamervescent.com

Kim Kardiashian: Hollywood. Don’t Tell Anyone I Wrote About It.

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Okay, don’t tell anybody this, but yesterday I downloaded the Kim Kardashian game just to see what people are talking about. And don’t tell anyone this either, but I spent at least two hours playing it.

I’ll remind you that I’ve asked you not to tell anybody, so if you do, you’ve broken a sacred trust between us.

It’s pretty boring. You can tell people that.

I found it boring, okay? BORING.

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Life 2.OMG

If you haven’t yet, be sure to take several minutes out of your day and watch Life 2.0. This documentary about Second Life shares stories of people who are (or were) addicted to the game and how it affects their real lives. It is 1) a total train wreck and 2) kind of hard to stop watching. It’s on Netflix! And YouTube. If I haven’t convinced you yet, just know that there’s an avatar sex scene.

And here’s the trailer if you want the short version.

Some Reasons Why My Boyfriend Needs to Finish Playing A Link Between Worlds

link between worldsTo be clear, playing video games on a tiny screen is not something I normally do. “Go big or go home, am I right?” is a thing I frequently shout to my personal squire, Jacobson, as I play games on my in-home jumbotron.

But, just this once, I deigned to playing a very satisfactory game on a positively miniscule Nintendo 3DS. The game was The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds, a sorta sequel to A Link to the Past. And check this out! I loved it, despite the fact that I own Fabergé eggs bigger than that screen.

Imagine my horror when I discovered that my unpaid permanent sex friend had not actually finished the game before passing the 3DS along to me whilst highly recommending I play it.

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My Favorite Boss Battle in The Stick of Truth (with Spoilers)

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Some people love South Park.

Some people hate South Park.

Love or hate it, you can’t tell me that you’ve never secretly wanted to do battle with a former U.S. Vice President.

I don’t want to tell you which one because I don’t want to ruin it for you, if you haven’t played the game. But I will say that it’s definitely not Walter Mondale. It might be Dick Cheney. It’s probably not Aaron Burr. You might think it’s Adlai Stevenson, but you would be incorrect. Hubert Humphrey would want you to think it’s him, but it isn’t.

“It’s Martin van Buren, isn’t it?” Levi P. Morton might say to Thomas Jefferson, had they been contemporaries.

But Daniel D. Tompkins would then interrupt and interject that he is of the opinion that it’s George H. W. Bush.

Nelson Rockefeller would stay out of it. Hannibal Hamlin would tell you to just go play the game and find out for yourself. Have fun!

Bethany’s Guide to Fake Gaming for Kevin Spacey

house-of-cards-kevin-spacey

Before I even begin, I’d just like to let you know that this post will contain SPOILERS from the first two seasons of House of Cards. For instance, if I say something like, “Frank Underwood killed Peter Russo,” in a very dramatic font, you’ll know that at some point during the first two seasons of House of Cards, Frank (played by Kevin Spacey) killed Congressman and accomplished drink finisher Peter Russo. Furthermore, this post will contain MADE UP THINGS from the first two seasons of House of Cards. For example, if I say something like, “Frank Underwood traveled back in time and sank the Titanic with his farts,” in an even more dramatic font, you’ll know that I just made that up. (I did this so that people who see the spoiler warnings and read on anyway might still get to be surprised a little.) So, if you hate spoilers or things that are made up, this post is not for you. Now, let’s talk about the reason I brought us all here today.

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Some Alternatives to Candy Crush

candy-crush

“If you don’t have anything nice to say about Candy Crush, come sit next to me,” is a thing that Alice Roosevelt would have said, had she lived to be at least 130 years old and were of sound enough mind at 130 years of age to be really into game apps. My point is that Candy Crush is horrible.

HORRIBLE.

I’m going to add a third HORRIBLE right now to really drive my point home.

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Making the Streets Safe for No One in L.A. Noire

LA-Noire-Box-Art

Hey! You over there! Get those hands where I can see them. Get down on the ground! DOWN ON THE GROUND.

Oh, it’s you. Whew! Sorry. I’m a bit of a loose cannon lately. I recently spent two weeks finally playing through L.A. Noire. I’ve been doing this thing lately where I buy a game for under $10 and try it out and determine whether it was 1) worth the hype when it was released and 2) worth its original retail price. It’s a fun and affordable hobby that I highly recommend if you are short on money and fun. And you’re the type of person who likes to show up super late to parties. Like three years late.

I’m happy to report that L.A. Noire is super fun and really addictive. You get to drive all over 1940s LA, listening to old timey radio programs. You get to investigate crimes, including the Black Dahlia killing. You go through a whole legion of partners, some more corrupt than others. (My favorite was Rusty, my grumpy middle-aged partner when I worked homicide.) You even get your own sex scandal. I would even say that I would have paid full retail price for it. It’s a lot of game with 40 side mission street crimes, in addition to the main investigations. I was very busy for all two weeks I played it, driving all around L.A. (all over the sidewalks and the edges of cliffs) and being a total jerkwad.

But I must warn you. It has some unsavory side effects. For instance…I think I might be corrupt now. I’m quick to anger. Yesterday, I shook down a shawarma vendor for $1.75. I weave in and out of traffic with the siren blaring, even if I’m just going to Burger King. I ATE THE LAST DOUGHNUT.

But let’s just keep that information between us, eh, bub? Right? Because we’re pals? And we wouldn’t want anything to happen to your pretty little boyfriend, now would we?

You watch your ass, pal. I have eyes all over this city.

Just go play L.A. Noire if you haven’t already. That’s all I’m saying.