All posts by Bethany

I [Heart] Krogan

Grunt_Character_Box

My little Grunty is growing up so fast.

I’ve thought about it all day and all night, and I’ve come to the conclusion that my favorite race of aliens in Mass Effect are the krogan.

The elcor ran a close runner-up for their speaking habits. (Crushing disappointment, human gave us second place.)

But the krogan! The krogan. I love them.

They’re fierce. They’re volatile. They butt heads, literally, when they disagree about things. They have weird coming of age rituals that involve being attacked by a Thresher Maw. They’re incredibly rude. They look a little bit like roosters. So, why are they my favorite?

Reasons. Let’s explore them.

1. The pain and suffering of the krogan makes them sympathetic. Underneath the armor and dinosaur hide exteriors, all the krogan want to do is reproduce. And they can’t because of the genophage. How would you like it if someone said to you, “Hey, person. You seem a little grumpy because we’ve been oppressing your species for a long time. And your grumpiness makes me think that maybe you shouldn’t be able to reproduce. So, yeah. No reproduction for you.” The krogan are so desperate that there is a black market trade in krogan testicles. (Are they covered with armed spikes??? I must know.)

2. Grunt. Is. Adorable. I don’t care how grumpy he gets or how he shouts, “Stop shooting at me, idiot!” at me when I accidentally fire at him during a skirmish. And, also, how are we not supposed to fall in love with him when he’s like a little HATCHLING coming out of a shell when you let him out of the tank? I once spent a month waiting for goslings to hatch, and the second they did, I was like, “MY BABIES.” That’s how I felt when Grunt was let out of his tank. I wanted to cuddle him and swaddle him and read him Goodnight Moon.

3. Earning Wrex’s respect is so awesome. Everybody wants to be friends with a big galoot who can intimidate your enemies. I let Wrex die in my first playthrough of Mass Effect, so I was careful to save him in my second. I have a special level of affection for Wrex and was SO EXCITED when he greets Shepard on Tuchanka like they are old friends. Shepard plays it cool, but I can tell she is squeeing on the inside like she just met Dolly Parton.

Basically, I’m a krogan fangirl. I have no real explanation for it.

The Adventures of Space Mitten

space mitten

One of my favorite (subtle) things in Mass Effect 2 is the load screen you see while visiting Ilium. What we have is the view of one of the space taxis from above.

But, to me, it will always be…SPACE MITTEN.

Every time it comes on screen I think, “Space Mitten to the rescue!” Your hands are freezing in the cold of space? Look up there, in the sky! Is that a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Space Mitten.

Space Mitten was once just an ordinary mitten aboard an ordinary vessel going no place in particular. But one night, the vessel drifted too close to a radioactive moon, and that ordinary mitten became SPACE MITTEN. Now, he uses his power of flight to rocket across the universe in search of cold hands. When he finds them, he warms one of them. And then he flies away again, in search of another adventure.

Try not thinking of Space Mitten next time you play ME2. You can’t.

Pancakes in Spaaaaaaace

pancakes gamerDid you know that in the future, when we have finally conquered space travel, we will still be making breakfast the old way like a bunch of nincompoops? I uncovered this important information while on a mission to spread the plague cure around the slums of Omega in Mass Effect 2.

Important things to do? Nah. I need to check out how we’ll do breakfast in the future.

According to my research, we’ll still be using some kind of space age Mr. Coffee. No evidence, however, about whether or not we would be using cone or basket brewing in the future was uncovered. I searched in vain for coffee filters, and came up empty-handed. It should be noted that there was a surprising lack of French presses. However, as you may notice in the image above that I snapped on my cellular telephone device from 2013, the griddle pans hanging on the wall. Pancakes, anyone? How ’bout I go cure the plague and then I’ll whip up some French toast for all those Vorcha?

I think I just brought peace to Omega.

Finally, a New Boyfriend for Barbie

booker

Here’s the Booker DeWitt action figure. If you’re like me, you went right out and bought it and then took it home to totally make out with Barbie. She’s been so lonely since Ken’s head fell off.

He looks like a member of a steampunk boy band (he would be the serious one). It’s adorable.

Better [Com]stock up on these before they sell out.

Get it?

Video Games Are Love, So Don’t Forget It

robot-hug

I’ve read several articles the last few weeks about the controversy in the gaming industry, and UGH, DO NOT WANT. I don’t know why I do this to myself, reading things, when there are video games to play and pet unicorns to aspire to owning.

At Gamervescent, we aren’t journalists. We don’t jump right in to  address controversy or dig deep to find the facts. There are other people who do that way better than we do. So, we let them do it. We want them to do it.

That said, we support anyone who wants to see more female representation in games (representation of all genders, really). We want to see more female game reviewers. We want women to be game developers. We want them to be happy and respected, doing all of those things.

Continue reading

The Tampon Shooting Game of Your Dreams

Screen Shot 2014-09-10 at 10.52.18 AM

TAMPON RUN

When I was in seventh grade, during P.E. class one day, we were all called into the girls’ locker room by our P.E. teacher to discuss a great travesty. Someone…some seventh or eighth grade girl had thrown her used tampon on the floor by the toilet. And we were ALL in so much trouble until someone confessed. One eight grade girl took it upon herself to investigate the crime. She drilled us like Elliot Stabler with way too much eye makeup and huge bangs that stayed in place with an entire can of Aquanet.

No one ever confessed, and to this day the mystery remains.

When I played a few rounds of Tampon Run yesterday, I remembered back to that time. Why hasn’t anyone thought of weaponizing tampons until now? If one tampon can bring P.E. class to a standstill, think of what hundreds could do. Think on that while you play a few rounds of Tampon Run, created by two hilarious high school students.

My Xbox One Doesn’t Recognize Me

115258025_15_superm_348733c

If you don’t recognize who she is, it’s Margot Kidder as Lois Lane. I know, the glasses.

The other day I turned on the Xbox One, and the face recognition feature didn’t recognize me. “What’s going on here?” I asked no one because I was home alone with three cats who ignore me. I haven’t had any facelifts or fallen into vats of acid.  What could it be? And then I realized it was because I was wearing my glasses.

Which brings me to an important thought.

Continue reading

My Boyfriend Finished His First Zelda Game

mike finishes zelda

THE END

On Saturday, a momentous thing happened. My boyfriend finished a video game for the first time. Oh, he’s played a lot of video games, but he’s bad about finishing them. I’d like to take credit for it, but it was all him and several hours dedicated to A Link Between Worlds.

Now, we have to convince him to play Ocarina of Time.

Seinfeld in The Sims 4: Serenity Now!

ty69uwh9hp911kr5zdv9

You’ve seen Fusilli Jerry. Now see him, George, Elaine, and Kramer as characters in The Sims 4, as created by IanRoach. It’s pretty amazing. See all the images here. It’s making me want to buy the new Sims game, despite all I’ve been hearing about glitches. Although, let’s admit it. Sims glitches are HILARIOUS. And terrifying.

Ski Safari: Adventure Time to the Rescue

adventure time game

A few months ago, I spent some time with my nephew (one of them anyway). He’s 10. He loves video games and loves to talk about video games EVEN MORE. He talked so much, in fact, that my dad (he was also there, in case you were wondering) started to drift in and out of consciousness. We were in a car going to see the world’s second-largest electric coal shovel, so it’s not like my dad could just leave the room as dads sometimes do when something doesn’t really interest them. Plus, he really, really loves the world’s second-largest electric coal shovel. I think he hoped that once we arrived, my nephew would see the world’s second-largest electric coal shovel, get excited, and forget all about video games for a while. It is pretty impressive, the world’s second-largest electric coal shovel.

But first we had to get there.

Continue reading