All posts by Jennifer

“Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal

Guys, what a day. What a red-letter day!

Bethany and I have been neglecting G-vesc for the last few months because: busy with other stuff. Today, August 20, happens to be my lovely Leo co-editor’s birthday, and today I happen to have some free time, so I decided to log in and catch the site up with some of the awesome stuff we’ve had piling up for a while now in observance of Bethany Day. Since I installed a spam blocker our comment moderation duties have lightened considerably, and there was only one comment waiting for approval.

Friends, what a comment it was. What a comment it IS.

Remember when I wrote this joke post about what Asari look like to each other? (Probably not. That’s okay! You should look at it if you want to see Steve Buscemi eyes Photoshopped onto Liara, though.) Seven days ago, on the 13th of August 2015, an intrepid internet explorer stumbled across that post and took umbrage with my speculation that an Asari might possibly appear to resemble a blue-skinned Jason Momoa. “Nay,” he* thought, “I must take to the comments section and inform the author of this post of all my speculations regarding Asari phenotype and genitalia (and I have spent a good bit of time thinking about this!).” And in just under 700 words he* did so, resulting in the most amazing comment that has ever appeared in this website’s “pending” folder.

I’m not going to approve it to appear under the post, lol, because this is my website and I can do what I want to, but I have preserved its glory in two screenshots and will now publish it here for your enjoyment. Happiest of birthdays, Bethany! Continue reading “Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal

wtf, Herren

When Kaylan started playing Dragon Age through from the beginning, her steady stream of updates via text message made me want to replay the whole saga from the beginning, too. So I did! Or I am, rather; I’m still far from finished.

Taking a break from the main quest, I played the Darkspawn Chronicles DLC, which allows you to play as a darkspawn in an alternate timeline in which your Warden didn’t survive the Joining ritual and the darkspawn succeed in overtaking Ferelden. When I first played Dragon Age: Origins, I avoided the Darkspawn Chronicles because I thought it would be too depressing to slaughter my way through my buddies from the main game. But playing it now, I realized that it only takes about five minutes to acclimate to the darkspawn mindset and hugely enjoy razing your way through Denerim, wreaking havoc upon the unprepared populace. “HAHA, take THAT, Bann Teagan! Oghren and Zevran DOWN, YES!! Oh, I need to kill 9 more innocent civilians to get an extra achievement? Don’t mind if I do! Get back over here, frightened elf! Need ta kill ya real fast! DIE WYNNE DIE!!”

Playing as a Shriek is the best. SO much fun.

And then something really interesting happened. Remember Wade and Herren, the old-married vibing armorer and merchant who supply you with the very best armor in the game? These guys:

Herren & Wade

Continue reading wtf, Herren

Love and Portraits

Please forgive the mushiness, dudes, and pass this one up if you’re not in the mood for some extremely self-indulgent gooeyness, ’cause I’m about to dive in headfirst.

Today is my seven-year anniversary of togetherness with this guy:

no country for old spiderman

No, not Spiderman, but the dude who’s wearing the suit. This guy:

dance magic dance

He doesn’t always wear such tight pants, but when he doesn’t, he gives me lap dances to make up for it.

lap daaaaaance, hey

He’s great and I love him a lot. The most, actually.

The thing about double artsy-fartsy people relationships, if you’re us, anyway, is that you make a lot of images/objects/stuff influenced by or directly about each other. When we first got together, he used to make drawings and paintings of me, or on me, all the time. Here are a couple of ’em: Continue reading Love and Portraits

strut

G-vesc pal and Paper Droids editor Megan Patterson wrote a critique of Dragon Age Inquisition fashion (specifically the Nutcrackerific ball outfit and the beige undies—remember when I thought that was a glitch? lol, if only) for The Mary Sue. I took a few screenshots for her to show off the Inquisitor’s…um, unique fashion sense, and made this glorious gif (which ended up running as a still in TMS piece) to let y’all know that even in an unflattering velvet jacket, Inquisitor Lavellan gonna let everybody know who run this joint.

WERRRRRRRRRRK, HUNTY, you work that Nutcracker outfit like the RENT! IS! DUE!

werrrrrrk

happiness is not a potato

For all you Portal + Charlotte Brontë fans who read Gamervescent (I know you’re out there), because somehow, incredibly, Google image search failed me in this respect, here’s one for you:

NOT NOT NOT

For as either Lucy Snowe or GLaDOS could tell us, “Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure.”

Happiness is testing.

Faded

Fade_Travel_Map

Haha, so last week I was all, “THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF GAMERVESCENT!!” and then the very next day was more like, “hold that thought, I am so sick, please leave me to die in peace.” And since I also stopped drinking coffee last week (it made me feel even more dehydrated than I did to start with, which was, very), I spent a lot of time sleeping. A LOT. Kaylan texted me when she was suffering from a major bout of insomnia and had stayed up all night teaching herself iMovie to make me an insane/hilarious photo+song montage detailing the progression of her relationship with Kaidan Alenko throughout the Mass Effect trilogy. I responded from bed and  politely neglected to mention that I had just slept for approximately 15 hours straight and could easily go for more. (Say your goodbyes, everybody, I am SO ready for Uthenera.) Continue reading Faded

The Lusty Dalish Maid

Whaddup weirdos, I missed you!

Through the long, dark, mentally-weird dungeon of February, I played a lot of games and I read a lot of fanfic. And now, in the first light of March, I venture forth victoriously to deliver unto you this jewel I discovered in the course of my journey:

Some glorious genius wrote a pitch-perfect parody of Morrowind’s Lusty Argonian Maid transposed onto interactions between Solas and a Dalish Inquisitor in Dragon Age Inquisition.

“We shall make use of your deft hands, ma enansal.  Tend to my staff, it is in dire need of polishing.”

“Fenedhis, it must be made of Oak!  How would you have me bring it to a shine?”

“I am sure you will be able to improvise, da’len.”

I cannot stop laughing. Please bestow some kudos upon this masterwork to encourage the author to write more! These are the shining lights that sustain us throughout the bleak winter, friends.

Screenshot 2015-03-02 11.12.45

Witchy Spectacles

Bayo_2_Concept_Art

I spent Sunday night/all day Monday marathoning Bayonetta 2 with my friends Lauren and Hannah. I had a wonderful time, and have a lot to say about it once my brain finally recovers from the BARRAGE of SPECTACLE (my right thumb is mostly recovered from the ordeal, after four days). I thought it was incredibly fitting that we were rewarded with unlocked concept art upon defeating the final boss and completing the game, because the style on display in this game…well, let’s just say I’ve been a wee bit obsessed this week. And lo and behold! Yesterday, Gita Jackson published a killer article on Bayonetta style for Paste. It is excellent, and I’d highly recommend checking it out, HOWEVER: Continue reading Witchy Spectacles