Category Archives: Video Games

Travis Touchdown: Sartorial Role Model

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I’m a fan of Suda51 and his crew at Grasshopper Manufacture. They make weird, crazy, unpolished, problematic games that are unlike anything else and I love them for it. I’ve mentioned before how Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes is not only a favorite videogame protagonist of mine, but also that I sort of base my clothing choices off of what he wears, which led one of the Gamervescent Overlords to tag that article with “Travis Touchdown: Sartorial Role Model.” I wake up laughing over that sometimes.

After going crazy with Bayonetta 2 and glasses porn, Jennifer asked me to write about Travis and fashion, so here I am. Continue reading

Kaylan Makes Time for Mass Effect

So I finally decided to take Bethany and Jenn’s advice and get all up in some Mass Effect. Using my super nice gift card from Uncle R and Aunt J the trilogy for 2$ and confused a gamestop employee when he asked if it was a gift for the boyfriend by saying “ hell no he is going to be so mad I’ll be ignoring him again for vidjeo games”. His response “uhm…wow… well… that’s new” than I pranced out of the store happily to share the news of my purchase with the ladies.

If you ever receive a yes with that many S-es (S-s?! I dunno) you’re doing something right. Just sayin’.

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Witchy Spectacles

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I spent Sunday night/all day Monday marathoning Bayonetta 2 with my friends Lauren and Hannah. I had a wonderful time, and have a lot to say about it once my brain finally recovers from the BARRAGE of SPECTACLE (my right thumb is mostly recovered from the ordeal, after four days). I thought it was incredibly fitting that we were rewarded with unlocked concept art upon defeating the final boss and completing the game, because the style on display in this game…well, let’s just say I’ve been a wee bit obsessed this week. And lo and behold! Yesterday, Gita Jackson published a killer article on Bayonetta style for Paste. It is excellent, and I’d highly recommend checking it out, HOWEVER: Continue reading

Kaylan Finishes BioShock 2: IT WAS MY FAVORITE

The thrilling conclusion to Kaylan’s BioShock 2 Play Diary!! Need to catch up? Check out Part 1Part 2Part 3.

I thought I had gotten lost in the ocean, but I hadn’t I was just a silly goose; finally I checked my map after too embarrassingly long to admit. Once I got back on track I placed my key in the AirLock Access Plant and realized I had found the ACTUAL secret base. Now I’m not so disappointed. I take back everything I said last time about the hiding skills. Immediately I find a diary revealing more shitty parenting by Sofia Lamb. I don’t understand how you could experiment on your own baby. I mean, I’m just saying. The similarities between Eleanor Lamb and Elizabeth Comstock are interesting. Both of these poor girls were basically abused by their parental figures for a “Greater Good,” a “Utopia,” and that is fucked up. Also they were raised by bonded half-man-half-machine creatures. Songbird and Delta seem to care more for the wellbeing and survival of these two women more than their parents even cared to attempt.

There is love here.

There is love here.

I mean, it’s kind of fitting that Lamb is keeping Eleanor in a Prison Hospital, considering she’s always treated her daughter like a captive instead of her child. I wonder does she even love her? Does anyone else ever wonder these things when they play games? If she does love her, does she just love her ideals more? HEARTFUCKINGBREAKING. Continue reading

Dragon Age Inquisition Is So Gay Friendly That IT’S ALIENATING STRAIGHT PEOPLE

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STOP THE PRESSES.

I was going through the comments on Gamervescent, as I tend to do on a Monday night, and deleting all the ones offering me great deals on “fendi peekaboo” or “parajumpers sale.” And I came across one comment on our recent post about Dragon Age Inquisition hairstyles. This comment told me some things. BIG THINGS. Things I’d never thought about before.

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Top Ten Insults to Use on Link

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#HURTFEELINGS

 

I get very shouty when I play Zelda games. Probably because, let’s face it, Link is a frustrating guy. Especially when he jumps weird and falls into a chasm or blows himself up LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT. So here’s my list of insults to use when Link is being a bonehead. Shout them at your discretion.

1. Wind Wanker

2. Link to My Ass

3. Ocarina of the Time I Said OMG NO GRAB THE BLOCK NOT CLIMB ON TOP OF IT

4. Dork Link

5. Majora’s CAN’T YOU RUN ANY [MASK]ER?

6. What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

7. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

8. I guess SOMEBODY likes being on fire

9. Fine. I’m saving it here so that you can be on fire until I decide to come back NEXT WEEK. See how you like that.

10. Skyward S-word

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Badass Gamer of the Year: Carlos and Hand-Ear Coordination

HANNAH: When you play games online, you run into all sorts of people. Some are pleasant; others are not. If you like someone because of their skills, personality, or just simple banter over the mic, you likely add them as your online friend for future games. I have been fortunate to meet some of the coolest people while playing Mass Effect 3 and Resident Evil 6 in multiplayer mode and can proudly say they are my ‘Xbox live friends.’ Here is a story about one of the amazing online players I know.

Earlier this year, I was playing the Mercenaries minigame in RE6 two-player mode. I was playing so well with this player named ‘Agrarian Power’ and kept cracking up because they kept commanding their character to speak like every 2 seconds.

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Hell yeah!”

“Go and get ‘em.”

“Grazie.”

“Good job!”

“Heh, all too easy.”

I assumed the other player was using the voice commands as a joke, or possibly trying to annoy me, but I had no complaints because they were so damn good at controlling Jake Muller, throwing awesome counter attacks (which I was still trying to master). We played a few more ass-kicking rounds with high scores and pretty soon, decided to become ‘friends’ so we could kick more zombie and J’avo asses later. Then I received a message that floored me: “Thanks for being patient with me, I am blind and some people get mad but we had some good games.”

What? Blind? I thought they were just messing around at first, and asked them millions of questions about how they play video games with visual impairment, and how they were sending and reading my messages. The answers were simple: he—who turned out to be a guy named Carlos—plays by ear, and he uses a screen reader program on the computer to check and write messages.

Since then we have played a lot more Mercenaries and exchanged many chit-chats, and Carlos is one of the most interesting gamers I know. I asked him to partake in this article to talk about his love and amazing adaptability for video games, and he agreed to express his thoughts. I bet you my gamer tag that you’ll agree he deserves this title!

— Heinous Evilous

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