Category Archives: Video Games

Kaylan Plays Mass Effect Part 2: ELEVATORS ARE THE WORST

In the first chapter of Kaylan’s Mass Effect Journey, Kaylan found the map.

While playing through the first Mass Effect (I’m still in the Citadel, so not too far into it even if it’s been roughly 15 hours of game time) I have learned some things.

1) Remembering that you can command your group to run ahead of you is helpful even outside of combat. I learned this lesson after Garrus cornered me and refused to move for ten minutes. Luckily I remembered the charge forward command and happily continued on exploring.

WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY I COULDN’T JUST SLIDE PAST HIM.

WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY I COULDN’T JUST SLIDE PAST HIM.

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The Lusty Dalish Maid

Whaddup weirdos, I missed you!

Through the long, dark, mentally-weird dungeon of February, I played a lot of games and I read a lot of fanfic. And now, in the first light of March, I venture forth victoriously to deliver unto you this jewel I discovered in the course of my journey:

Some glorious genius wrote a pitch-perfect parody of Morrowind’s Lusty Argonian Maid transposed onto interactions between Solas and a Dalish Inquisitor in Dragon Age Inquisition.

“We shall make use of your deft hands, ma enansal.  Tend to my staff, it is in dire need of polishing.”

“Fenedhis, it must be made of Oak!  How would you have me bring it to a shine?”

“I am sure you will be able to improvise, da’len.”

I cannot stop laughing. Please bestow some kudos upon this masterwork to encourage the author to write more! These are the shining lights that sustain us throughout the bleak winter, friends.

Screenshot 2015-03-02 11.12.45

Travis Touchdown: Sartorial Role Model

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I’m a fan of Suda51 and his crew at Grasshopper Manufacture. They make weird, crazy, unpolished, problematic games that are unlike anything else and I love them for it. I’ve mentioned before how Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes is not only a favorite videogame protagonist of mine, but also that I sort of base my clothing choices off of what he wears, which led one of the Gamervescent Overlords to tag that article with “Travis Touchdown: Sartorial Role Model.” I wake up laughing over that sometimes.

After going crazy with Bayonetta 2 and glasses porn, Jennifer asked me to write about Travis and fashion, so here I am. Continue reading

Kaylan Makes Time for Mass Effect

So I finally decided to take Bethany and Jenn’s advice and get all up in some Mass Effect. Using my super nice gift card from Uncle R and Aunt J the trilogy for 2$ and confused a gamestop employee when he asked if it was a gift for the boyfriend by saying “ hell no he is going to be so mad I’ll be ignoring him again for vidjeo games”. His response “uhm…wow… well… that’s new” than I pranced out of the store happily to share the news of my purchase with the ladies.

If you ever receive a yes with that many S-es (S-s?! I dunno) you’re doing something right. Just sayin’.

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Witchy Spectacles

Bayo_2_Concept_Art

I spent Sunday night/all day Monday marathoning Bayonetta 2 with my friends Lauren and Hannah. I had a wonderful time, and have a lot to say about it once my brain finally recovers from the BARRAGE of SPECTACLE (my right thumb is mostly recovered from the ordeal, after four days). I thought it was incredibly fitting that we were rewarded with unlocked concept art upon defeating the final boss and completing the game, because the style on display in this game…well, let’s just say I’ve been a wee bit obsessed this week. And lo and behold! Yesterday, Gita Jackson published a killer article on Bayonetta style for Paste. It is excellent, and I’d highly recommend checking it out, HOWEVER: Continue reading

Kaylan Finishes BioShock 2: IT WAS MY FAVORITE

The thrilling conclusion to Kaylan’s BioShock 2 Play Diary!! Need to catch up? Check out Part 1Part 2Part 3.

I thought I had gotten lost in the ocean, but I hadn’t I was just a silly goose; finally I checked my map after too embarrassingly long to admit. Once I got back on track I placed my key in the AirLock Access Plant and realized I had found the ACTUAL secret base. Now I’m not so disappointed. I take back everything I said last time about the hiding skills. Immediately I find a diary revealing more shitty parenting by Sofia Lamb. I don’t understand how you could experiment on your own baby. I mean, I’m just saying. The similarities between Eleanor Lamb and Elizabeth Comstock are interesting. Both of these poor girls were basically abused by their parental figures for a “Greater Good,” a “Utopia,” and that is fucked up. Also they were raised by bonded half-man-half-machine creatures. Songbird and Delta seem to care more for the wellbeing and survival of these two women more than their parents even cared to attempt.

There is love here.

There is love here.

I mean, it’s kind of fitting that Lamb is keeping Eleanor in a Prison Hospital, considering she’s always treated her daughter like a captive instead of her child. I wonder does she even love her? Does anyone else ever wonder these things when they play games? If she does love her, does she just love her ideals more? HEARTFUCKINGBREAKING. Continue reading

Dragon Age Inquisition Is So Gay Friendly That IT’S ALIENATING STRAIGHT PEOPLE

lemongrab

STOP THE PRESSES.

I was going through the comments on Gamervescent, as I tend to do on a Monday night, and deleting all the ones offering me great deals on “fendi peekaboo” or “parajumpers sale.” And I came across one comment on our recent post about Dragon Age Inquisition hairstyles. This comment told me some things. BIG THINGS. Things I’d never thought about before.

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