Category Archives: Kaylan’s Game Diaries

“We Ended the Blight, Y’all”: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 9

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7, Part 8

awkward

Told the nobles the truth about Loghain and asked them to support me.

LOGHAIN THE MONSTER IS DEAD! My family, friends, and comrades are avenged and I allowed Alistair to do the honors. FOR DUNCAN! FOR THE ALIENAGE!!!

Long live Queen Anora!

Checked my codex; learned I need to do my side quests like whoa before I head out. It’s almost the final battle!

The Wynne/Aneirin reunion is so damn sweet. Making Wynne happy makes me happy. Us silver-haired ladies need to stick together. [Ed. note: “silver-haired ladies” being Käylæn and Wynne, not irl Kaylan and Wynne]

off to try and murder Flemeth

OH GOOD GODS SHE IS A DRAGON Continue reading “We Ended the Blight, Y’all”: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 9

“ARL, LET IT GO,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 8

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6, Part 7

An Interlude:

Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 1.07.16 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 1.07.51 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 1.08.09 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 1.08.23 PM

And now, we proceed with Käylæn’s journey:

I like the idea that when you dream it’s spirits looking out for you. Wynne is so eloquent. Is it just me or as the game progresses and she gets sicker cause the spirit is fading her eyes become darker?

SOOOOOOOOOOO everything is easier when you use those rune things and use the codex to find out where to go. I got so sucked into side questing that I forgot where to go to continue the plot.

I know this is wrong, but I am really going to enjoy killing Loghain. Hopefully it’s soon after the Landsmeet AND THEN MAYBE I CAN VISIT MY DAD IN THE ELF SLUMS. Ugh, hiring those bigoted murderous rapists, rewarding them for their vile actions.

Whoa, walked in on some guard getting a Blowie. Legit: so far while I’m trying to save the king, the guy getting a blowjob is the only guard to notice me.

Found a charming Grey Warden! (I already forgot his name…I just watched that scene.) He is freeee and said he would seek us out later after medical treatment. Than I went in his cell AND FOUND TORTURE TOOLS AND BLOOD. I AM GONNA MURDER THIS FAMILY

This place is an absolute horror show.

Oh what the hell I hope you got me thrown in jail, because you’re a triple crosser.

Oghren and Wynne saving me was purdy funny. (Also Alistair in underwear is A-OK with me!

Oh, it’s my fault for not being subtle enough? Sorry.

Uh… Should I make her the Queen? SO MANY TOUGH CHOICES.

LOL okay thanks Alistair; you won’t be king. Between the moment in ME2 when Mordin gave me the “don’t ingest” speech and my stating Alistair knows nothing of being a king and his response, “No, I don’t and I have been telling you both that this whole time,” I’ve not laughed so loudly or so hard at video games. I also had no idea he was in the room listening, so I was startled. Thanks bear; glad you weren’t offended

ARL, LET IT GO.

Oh great Warden dungeon dude, your name is Riordan! Thanks, I was feeling bad for immediately forgetting.

So…..what you’re telling me is that Duncan was always a gorgeous sexy-voiced dude. I figured that. YOU DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING NEW, RIORDAN.

I truly do believe that A was the real ruler, not her moron hubby. (WE DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME, IT SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE MINE OUT LOUD.)

But srsly that guy… So self-involved and dumb.

Okay, once again I am going to back her as Queen. I HOPE I DON’T REGRET THIS.

Also I think Arl E is trying to rule through Alistair. Using my boo like that is not okay.

I am not EVER picking the option for Alistair to marry that lady. HRRRRRUUUUUMMMMPPPPHHH. I am selfish on this.

WORST HOMECOMING EVER! Somehow everyone is poorer and they all have some plague, the dogs are feral… I mean WE WEREN’T ALL THAT WELL OFF BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK. I. Will. Kill. Loghain!

IS MY DAD DEAD?!

—okay there is a small chance my dad isn’t dead, just a sick prisoner. STILL HORRID.

Oh, and they abducted my cousin Soris’s wifey. Nope…not making me like y’all more, Denerim humans.

WHAT, SLAVERS?? OH HELL NO. My people are being sold as slaves… WHY IS MY STORY SO SAD AND INFURIATING?!

AWWW I FOUND MY DAD!!! He is okay!!!

Helping Ser Otto out before I continue on. Clues point to an evil deranged 27-year-old looking orphan (seriously, once you grow up no one should refer to you as an “orphan.” Maybe let you be an adult? Make your own family. Or just refer to you by your name!) who hears voices and a pool of blood that won’t congeal. I bet it’s a demon.

—was that a baby spirit running away…

—oh god I hate singing ghost kids… It’s so creepy

—yup demons… And I cured the crazy out of the orphan beggar.

Off to the Landsmeet or whatever

I’m gonna kill Loghain.

 

Kaylan Kennedy played this entire game over a period of days in March 2015. Jennifer is still trying to catch up on posting all of the messages Kaylan sent recounting her progress during that time period.

“Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 7

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Shale, stuck

I decided to rest at camp BEFORE I go to the Circle of Magi to talk about my cute dwarven friend.

Wynne, what’s wrong? What do you mean you didn’t survive the tower? But you’re not undead? ….oh, you have a spirit in you. Bless it. We will make the best of your last days, buddy.

Gotta go find Oghren’s special lady friend. Thank you for realizing when you bang your lady it would be gross to think of me, Oghren.

IRVING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR HELPING DAGNA!!!!! (I’ll tell her after I find Oghren’s lady frand.) Continue reading “Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 7

“This wrangling nugs thing is not so bad,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 6

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Leliana_and_Cute_Nug

Went back to the Dalish camp and saved the Halla. 🙂

I saved the Arl, he than made us his CHAMPIONS OF REDCLIFFE! booooyah

Poor Alistair doesn’t want to be a King but everyone is all, “be king, yo!”

Sorry Jowan you’re alive but now forced forever to live in the Tower of Magi. BUT YOU ARE ALIVE

Dwarves settle kingly matters with axes. Continue reading “This wrangling nugs thing is not so bad,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 6

MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR? Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 5

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Wynne now approves of my relationship.

Heading to the Circle Tower to ask the mages to help me, doo da doo da

Gonna save a stupid kid [Connor] from the demon that possesses thee, oh the doo da daaaay

Well that was easy, Irving was super agreeable

aww, found Alistair’s momma’s amulet and he’s acting so damn precious about it. “Is this the part where we start dancing? Because I’m game.” I like yo style

Jowan you are going into the Fade to right your wrongs. You said you wanted to help, so there you go.

I really like the Fade areas.

Killed dem demons. Saved the kid. Gonna have to find an urn [of Sacred Ashes]; asked them to hold off on killing Jowan. Continue reading MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR? Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 5

“Poor blood mage. I’ll free you!” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 4

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Yup, Jenn was right: this dude [Zevran] has no shame. We have talked once and he’s now offering to sex me up.

Oh god if you agree to a massage he says, “A willing victim presents itself.” Calling me a victim isn’t sexy man, the more you know

Yup I’m gonna commit to Alistair now.

rejection Continue reading “Poor blood mage. I’ll free you!” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 4

“Leliana Sings Forever,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 3

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2

Leliana is batshit, but that is pretty entertaining. She’s like the easiest ex to get along with.

foreverrrrrrrrrr

— Man she has been singing for like, ever. Stop it. This is a really long song. It was for real three minutes… What… No… Why?

I made popcorn while you sang.

GAH why won’t Alistair sleep with me. I’ve done like 50 makeouts.

GOT IT DONE! Laid and yet still not tied down quite yet, ha

Leliana and I had a lovely conversation about how much we both love shoes!  Continue reading “Leliana Sings Forever,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 3

“These Elves Look Cool,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 2

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1

old tree dude

A Conversation with My Brother, Drew:

K: “I’m an elf!”

D: “You look like Morrigan’s mom”

K: 🙁 “My hair is pretty, not stringy… Anyhow I am a elf!”

D: “Dalish?”

K: “No I’m a city elf. I lived in the city, I’ve never met one of those [Dalish elves].”

D: “Why would you do that?!”

K: “What? Why wouldn’t I? Anyhow I think I’m going to go see the Dalish first and see what the hubbub is about… Also, I saved a dog’s life and he loves me now!”

D: “Good choice I went there first too. Also I started out with a dog and saved your dog just out of kindness cause I already had a dog.”

K: ^what

Fin.


Continue reading “These Elves Look Cool,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 2

A Grey Warden is Born: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Begins

As I play Dragon Age Origins, I’ve kept my phone close and put my initial thoughts in my phone’s notepad. Here they are so far:

My name is Käylæn and I am a rogue elf. I like to live in the city…aaaaand I’m being forced to marry a stranger, booyah, off to a great start. From rags to riches here I come!

Käylæn

fuuuuuucccckkkk why did I pick the creepy rapey beginning?? Ffffff, ugh, power through this. Like, I thought this was a synopsis of my past, not that I would play… And like that description said something about a surprise interruption or something ruins my wedding? All I know is nothing in that choose-your-origin blurb said “friends kidnapped,” “friend’s throat slit,” and “oh yeah let’s throw in a part where your friends get raped.”

no no no no

Ughhhhhhhh my traumatized elf will drag herself around to focus on something else. Might as well become a Grey Warden or whatever, anything to forget

DUNCAN DUNCAN DUNCAN LEMME TOUCH YO BEARD! It is so beautiful. Can I romance you, I WANNNA Continue reading A Grey Warden is Born: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Begins

Kaylan’s Mass Effect Diary Part 4: The End

Kaylan Plays Mass Effect: Part 1, Part 2, Part In-Between, Part 3, Part Ugh

sad garrus is sad

And all good things must come to an end… (until replay, anyway)

We saved the Citadel from Reaper attack, rescued the Council, worked with Cerberus, befriended the Geth, united the races, and even had a party on shore leave (that got a little out of hand). We accomplished so much together! The end has come upon us; we’ve lost friends along the way. I beat Kai Leng to death with my bare hands in vengeance. I refused to waste a thermal clip on him.

And now we’ve made our way to Earth. Here are my thoughts on saying goodbye to everyone, in raw form: Continue reading Kaylan’s Mass Effect Diary Part 4: The End