Category Archives: Video

Gone, but never forgotten

Pursuant to yesterday’s excellent, enthusiastic conversation about Resident Evil 4 and subsequent conversion of Gamervescent into a RE4 fansite, I was made aware of this most excellent of tribute videos in honor of everyone’s favorite character, The Merchant.

Jason Rainey, truly you have blessed us all with this masterpiece.

We will never forget.

Party on, Vorcha

I can’t say too much about the Citadel DLC for Mass Effect 3, or I might give important things away to my compadre Jennifer Culp, who hasn’t finished it yet. The DLC is FULL of fun, lighthearted, even sentimental moments (in addition to the action). But I do have to share a gif of one of my favorite things in the history of Mass Effect. I present to you, “Party Vorcha.”

party vorcha

I <3 Oghren

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It could be argued that I’m just very partial to dwarves. Gimli is my favorite part of Lord of the Rings, hands down. And don’t even get me talking about The Hobbit or I’ll bore you with all about how Bombur is the best because he has an appreciation of fine cheese.

So, it follows that I love Oghren. He’s disgusting. He drinks too much. He says inappropriate things to the female party members. But when he turned up in Awakening, ready to be a Grey Warden, I squealed audibly. I love that pervert. There is something very reassuring about taking a dwarf warrior with a huge axe into the fray.

<3

The Most Difficult Video Game Mission EVER

alistairI’ve brought down Frank Fontaine and rescued the Little Sisters of Rapture. I’ve killed all the weird bull forms of Ganondorf and kept Hyrule free from tyranny. I destroyed the Reapers and saved SPACE, for fuck’s sake.

But you know what I can’t do?

YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN’T DO?

I can’t get Alistair to go to Pound Town in Dragon Age: Origins.

Oh, he’ll go to Denerim. He’ll go to Orzammar. He’ll even visit the Village of Haven (that shit hole). But you try to get him to go to the Bone Zone, and Alistair is like, “Titter! Why, fair maiden, I do believe you’re flirting with me.”

Why won’t this fictional man sleep with my fictional woman? I’ve given him, like, a million presents and chatted him up and told him how good-looking he is and showed genuine interest in his life as a poor bastard child. But will he do me the honor of joining me in the Boneyard?

Nope.

You know what would happen if you gave a non-fictional real human man the statue of a demon? He’d say, “That’s pretty cool and stuff, but let’s get BIZAY.” You know why? Because doing it is fun. It’s exercise. It kills the boredom on those cold nights by the campfire after after a day of killing darkspawn.

He wants to wait. TO WAIT! “Until it feels right” apparently. You know what “feels right,” Alistair? DOING THE SEX. I should know. I’ve done it at least five times in my life. And not one of those sex dudes was like, “Maybe talk to me a little bit about Duncan first and give me a shield and I’ll think about it.”

I know…I know. I should respect his wishes. I just wish that his wish was for a good rogering. Or even just a mediocre one. Or making out. Or light fondling. Or heavy fondling. Armor on or off. His choice.

Give it up already, man!

Says Alistair:

Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go take a cold shower.

(Full disclosure: After I wrote this last night, Alistair and the noble human of my own creation totally did it. My boyfriend came home and said, “Well, DID YOU DO IT?” and then I had to make them do it again so he could see that cheesy ass sex cutscene. VICTORY.)

Five out of five Bethanys are in favor of making the blanket monster whenever possible. 

Late to the Game [Trailer] Once Again…

I pride myself on keeping up with the latest news, being on top of the stories, and showing up where the action is to get the scoop. But sometimes I miss things, like hilarious fake trailers for video game movies. I discovered this one this morning, only a year and several months after it was posted on YouTube. A trailer for a fake Candy Crush movie. It’s too good.

Bonus. After that, I watched this fake trailer for the BioShock movie that never was, and I was surprised by how good it is.

Pierce Brosnan Played GoldenEye 007 Last Night

Project64_2011-08-30_17-09-46-38
Da da da da da da da da dadadada da da da da da da da da da da da dadadadada… 

Is it my birthday? Wait. Yes, it is actually. That’s why it’s extra special that this happened last night.

Megh Wright of Splitsider called it “everyone’s favorite N64 game,” which I think could be argued. But, OH MY GOD, it happened. Maybe for my next birthday, they can get Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean to go head to head on multiplayer. Please?

Can’t Sleep, Won’t Sleep

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Lately I have been on this weird obsession with reading Creepypastas before bed. I find myself wanting to talk about them all the time. Everyone is familiar with some of these stories, whether they know it or not. Internet Urban legends examples: Slenderman, Squidward’s Suicide, or the Rake. These are the new breed of campfire stories. So, while shaving my legs, I began to think about Creepypastas (because ugh shaving your legs is boring) and how I enjoy the gaming stories most. The following is a list of my favorite gaming Creepypastas. This way, everyone wins! You get neat story time, and I find a way to talk about them.

Pokemon Forgotten Yellow

Like most Creepypastas, this is where the tale ends. Jeff ends up getting rid of the game (finally) and hopes someone else has destroyed it…because Jeff couldn’t be bothered to do so himself.

Luigi’s Mansion

Poor Austin he just really wanted to replay a favorite of his. This Creepypasta isn’t one of the greatest, but it has enough in it to cause a bit of discomfort, as well as makes Luigi’s Mansion so much more interesting.

Tail’s Abuse

This Creepypasta upsets me. Haven’t we all had a moment where we wonder what happens to our games when they are off? Or what if they were real. Just on another plane of existence? Are we inadvertently torturing them?

Ben Drowned

If you thought Majora’s Mask was creepy enough on it’s own, think again. This Creepypasta gives me chills errrrytime. There are so many more Creepypastas out there waiting to make you either laugh or cringe. Explore them and have some fun!

Kaylan often thinks about Creepypasta while shaving her legs and doesn’t know that Slenderman is watching.