STOP THE PRESSES.
I was going through the comments on Gamervescent, as I tend to do on a Monday night, and deleting all the ones offering me great deals on “fendi peekaboo” or “parajumpers sale.” And I came across one comment on our recent post about Dragon Age Inquisition hairstyles. This comment told me some things. BIG THINGS. Things I’d never thought about before.
According to this comment, the gay- and transgender-friendly atmosphere of Dragon Age Inquisition is actually ALIENATING straight people.
WHAT? I’m straight and I’m so, so scared right now that I’ve gone down into my bunker to finish writing this.
Is this true? I did some investigating, and it turns out that a lot of people are really talking about this. Apparently there are only two romance options for straight guys, Cassandra and Josephine. And some guys don’t want to get it on with a warrior lady or some chick who prefers clipboards to taking off her top. They want MORE OPTIONS. I get it.
So I did more investigating. Here’s what I’ve got.
Straight male options: Cassandra, Josephine
Straight female options: Blackwall, Iron Bull, Cullen, Solas
Gay male options: Iron Bull, Dorian
Gay female options: Josephine, Sera
You read that correctly. There are two options for gay men and women as well. GAY PEOPLE ARE AS OPPRESSED AS STRAIGHT MEN. WHAT?
According to my calculations, straight women (who received four romance options) are actually the world’s oppressors. So, there you go. I guess straight men and gay people (and anyone else whose romantic needs were not met by Dragon Age Inquisition) will be banding together any time now to bring us, the straight women, down. Good thing I’m already in the bunker.
I deleted the comment, btw.