Ed: A few weeks ago, Kaylan wrote a rant about her dissatisfaction with the initial info released about Xbox One. Yesterday, armed with more information, she addressed her own previous concerns. (Spoiler: she is still concerned.) Kaylan of the Past is plain text, Kaylan of the Present is bold. Without further ado, Kaylan and Kaylan:

The race is on! The release dates for the new gaming consoles for Microsoft and Sony are nearing. Is everyone else in the world, like me, thinking “Holy fuck, how is it already almost summer?!”

And with all the Dollywood trips I have planned, yeah, it’s basically summer. Is it super hot to anyone else?

Before you know it, the holiday season will be upon us. UGH. Now, it is no big secret that I am a huge Sony supporter, and when I do upgrade I was already leaning toward the PS4 (not that I need an upgrade anytime soon). Now, after the Xbox One announcement, more so than ever. The rumors surrounding Xbox One and its used games fee are a big concern of mine. The idea of buying a used game (or borrowing one from a friend to test my interest) and then having to pay a “small fee” bothers me.

The culture around swapping games is something I really enjoy, but if I have to pay for this, my swapping will come to a complete standstill. I am just not willing to pay for something that I potentially will not enjoy. Also, if I’d never been able to access relatively cheap pre-owned games, I would not have found and become dedicated to some of the series I now play. More than likely I would have read the descriptions said, “Ugh, $60 is a lot of guinea pig hay.” My fur babies need food too! I just don’t have the resources to have paid full price for every game I own. Plus, it seems that the concept of a “small fee” most likely means something very different to me than it does to Microsoft. “$5?” I say. They might say, “How about $10?” or even “20$!” You may be thinking, “Well, ten to twenty dollars doesn’t sound too unreasonable.” But if you are already paying fifteen dollars for a used game, or hell, even thirty, you need to then factor in this fee. Fifteen becomes thirty-five or twenty- five smackaroos, and I am already spending a nice bottle of wine or sushi dinner. Now take into account the sharing aspect it is no longer as enjoyable because up front you have thrown away money on something you aren’t positive you will enjoy.

But wait! Microsoft has come up with a compromise for this issue. Now you can share your entire library with up to ten friends or family members…as long as they have been on your friends list for at least 30 days. Which is a pretty nice thing—ten elite people have the ability to access and enjoy along with you all of your games! Though…what if, like me, you don’t have a friends list because you hate playing with others and dislike receiving constant notifications that “so-and-so is online!”. I left AOL Instant Messenger loooooong ago, have my Facebook chat turned off, and I don’t want to know who is online when. Nor do I care to let anyone else know about the weird hours I keep, or about those times when I’m depressed and constantly online… So, in order to share a game with a friend, you would have to get your friend’s lame handle (“b0ner69” or what not), add it to a special list, and wait 30 days to share away. Praying, meanwhile, that you won’t have to deny allowing anyone into a multiplayer scenario. Because, being a jerk, I would with my new gamertag “GoAwayINoPlay.” And then, by the time the 30-day mark is up, I’ve moved on and no longer care to talk about that game I suggested a month ago. Note: the compromise is sharing. Used games will still have a fee, and sharing is dependent on having friends or family who laid out the full price up front.

Moving on! After watching the highlights of the Xbox One reveal, this video sums up my impressions perfectly. (Thanks, Joey, for sharing that gem with me.) Let me recap:

Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv halo halo halo halo Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv DID YOU SEE THAT DOG Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv Tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv tv call of duty call of duty call of duty tv tv tv tv tv!

It was very disappointing. One, I have a TV. I play games on it. Two, I have Netflix, YouTube and Hulu. Three, why do we need a live action Halo show? (Unless it’s a live action Red vs. Blue; I can get behind that). But boy oh boy, y’all, did you see the dog? I have to admit, the dog is pretty awesome looking and if it functions as well as it looks that is…something. Though, is a dog really enough to sell a system? I personally am SO tired of the whole Call of Duty/Halo era. Please, can we evolve and move on? Yes, they’re classics, but I want something new. Sell me that.

PS4 made an announcement showing their line-up for new games, and it was amazing! (See them all here.) Sony, unlike Microsoft, has embraced indie game designers, and as a result their line-up is looking AWESOME. In case you missed it while scrolling through the games, KINGDOM HEARTS 3 IS FINALLY GOING TO BECOME A REALITY. Sony was like, “Oh, Microsoft, your big announcement was a dog? That’s super cute. We don’t need a dog; check out the variety of goods in our grab bag.” (I know I keep harping on the dog. I don’t hate dogs, guys. I hate the fact Microsoft thinks we are stupid enough to jump on their bandwagon for a virtual puppy.) Also in cool news, Bethesda will not only develop The Elder Scrolls Online for the PS4 system, but is also offering an exclusive beta (which is sure to cause so many boners among nerds of all sexes of my acquaintance) .

As it stands right now, I am annoyed with the thought of Xbox One and worried about the PS4 and whether it will feature pay-to-play used games.

But then Sony announced their stance on used games, and they will not be putting restrictions on them! Stating, “When a gamer buys a PS4 disc, they have the rights to use that disc. They can sell it to another person, lend it to a friend, or keep it forever.” BOOM. Then they dropped the mic and shot Microsoft a double bird. Okay, that’s a lie, but we all know they were thinking about it.

Though I don’t care for the new controller design, the PS4 is sounding much more imaginative and appears to cater to more than one narrow demographic. I already have a hard enough time finding games I enjoy on the Xbox in the midst of all its war-game-a-palooza. That said, I plan keep my eyes peeled and follow the news to see how this all plays out.

Pricing info for the systems has now been released. Xbox One will be starting priced at $499, while Sony, learning from previous mistakes of overpricing upon release, is starting the PS4 at $399. So not only is their system looking better and better to me, games-wise, but it will also be more affordable for the consumer. 

While the Xbox One will require users to be connected online 24/7, (not caring if you are playing an online-based game, or playing with others) PS4 will not have such a requirement. The downside is that to play multiplayer on PS4, you will need to sign up for PlayStation Plus (which I suppose isn’t that horrible, all things considered. Plus comes with discounts toward games released on the network and extra perks.)

So do you want a expensive glorified TV machine? Or take a wild ride through the future of gaming? I’m pretty sure I know which one I want…in about seven years when I get around to buying it.

Kaylan Kennedy never really had a choice. Sony had her locked in the second they announced Kingdom Hearts 3.  

[Ed.: Never change, Bethany. You are so beautiful!]

Bethany Bryan writes funny things at Welcome to Bethville! and xoJane.

Gamervescent friend Cameron Kunzelman has released a new game called Alpaca Run, in which you help a running alpaca jump over obstacles and collect apples throughout a series of different landscapes to the accompaniment of a delightfully oddball song by Samantha Allen and Guy Conn. The lovely background images come from the brain and doodlin’ hand of the one and only Joseph Culp.

Cameron on Alpaca Run:

Inspirations for Alpaca Run include: the Soundplay series that Kill Screen sponsored, the Bit Trip Runner games, running alpacas, and the feeling of absolute joy you have when you embody a jumping alpaca.

Notably, there isn’t a fail state in Alpaca Run. I want everyone to complete it. I want everyone to have a fun journey and to get to listen to a cool song without failing over and over again.

I died 27 times on my first playthrough, and still have a persistent case of the giggles. (Note: giggling madly does not do much to improve alpaca leap timing, does result in falling off of cliffs.) Leaping alpacas, man, they really can’t help but brighten your day. Go give it a try!

I still have most of the My Little Ponies from when I was a kid. Even that one that the dog chewed up that time. And it was that sad, chewed-up pony that I decided would be perfect to turn into Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite.

Here’s what I did.

First! I removed her mane. (Her tail was already long gone.)

Then! I made her hair, skirt, and choker using polymer clay.

After that! I baked the whole mess at 175 degrees for 40 minutes.

And finally! I painted my wee Liz pony.

I’m doing Songbird next. Stay tuned.

Bethany Bryan writes funny things at Welcome to Bethville! and xoJane, sells the very best splicer masks on Etsy, and mods plastic ponies.

“You’ll NEVER learn anything playing video games!” said some snarky douchebag.

“Did you know Frédéric François Chopin moved from Warsaw to Paris in 1830 as part of the Polish Great Emigration? Where he supported himself as a composer and piano teacher? Or that he rarely gave public performances? And he never returned to his homeland? How about his major relationship (which was with George Sand, a French writer who loved cigars)?” I replied.

“No, why?” retorted the jerk.

“Because a video game taught me that!”

BURRRRRRRN.

Eternal Sonata is a mesmerizing RPG mashup of fantasy and non-fiction, which happily join hands to create a brilliant story. This tactical time turn-based game is littered with challenging puzzles, lovable characters, and an amazing score. The tale takes place inside the dreams of Chopin, where everyone and everything is a musical reference and Chopin is trying to obtain his great inspiration. Outside of Chopin’s dreams, his friends and lover attend to him on his deathbed, watching over his unconscious body.

A few interesting facts:

• Eternal Sonata was proofread by the Frederick Chopin Society in Warsaw in an attempt to make sure the game was as historically accurate as possible, while still keeping the storyline intact and not losing the message the game wanted to convey.

• Seven compositions of Chopin’s were included in the game, performed by Russian pianist Stanislav Bunin. The rest of the score was mostly composed by Motoi Sakuraba (known for his original soundtracks to almost all of the Tales series, Mario Tennis 64, “Victory Road” from Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire…let’s just say if you like RPGs, you have more than likely run across his work).

• All of the playable characters are named after a dance or beat in various types of music. Examples: Beat, Salsa, March, Falsetto, Jazz, Allegretto, Claves, Viola and Polka.

Tree Top Town sketch by Joseph Culp

Donkey Kong Country. Everything about it—the flowing gameplay, the strangely appropriate music, the 3D-rendered style of the characters, and the world maps combined to create an experience that hasn’t really been seen before or since, tied together by the amazing environments that DK and Diddy blasted through on their quest for the stolen banana horde. In this post I’m going to discuss the design of some of these levels and try to identify a few of the factors that made them so great.

DK Country was groundbreaking, as it was the first sidescrolling platformer game to use a realistic sense of lighting. This is as opposed to say, the Mario games, which exist in a world of mostly flat cartoon colors (and are, of course, great for it). DK Country’s lighting is very dynamic, transporting 90s kids all over the world into a new realm of the imagination. Let’s take a look at this pic of “Winky’s Walkway” [Ed.: Screenshots courtesy DKC Atlas. Click to make 'em big.]:

What a sketchy place! The air feels dusty, revealed by the blue cones of particle-diffused light emitting from the green lamps overhead (in-game they sway slightly). Donkey and Diddy must run and jump through pools of light and long spans of shadow on a walkway cobbled together from corrugated sheet metal and shitty-looking boards of wood. The background is a vast gloom; we see what look like gas lanterns burning dully in the distance. There’s plenty of room to fall…if you’re a Kremling, hahaa.

Continuing on in the gloomy direction, this is “Misty Mine.” There’s not a straight support beam in the place! Not that Donkey Kong cares; he doesn’t give a fuck. King K. Rool should, though, as it looks like the place where he chose to spawn his army could possibly be on the verge of collapse. And perhaps the gaseous waste emitted from the “spawning drums” is the reason why there is this strange mist in the air (yeah, those skull-and-crossbones drums spit out enemies). The mist is a cheap trick that works well to set the tone of the level, just a simple overlay that moves to and fro as you play. Hmm, look at the gas lanterns. Now that I think of it, these mine levels match up with the background elements of the walkway levels.

Ahh, this is more like it: “Orang-utan Gang.” Reminds me of a beach towel with its unbroken line of colorfully blazing sunset. So relaxing, and so it’s perfectly surprising when you encounter a crazed member of the Kong family throwing barrels. Manky Kong probably came here to relax and to let the periwinkle light calm his jangled nerves, but then family rivals DK and Diddy show up and whoop his ass several times throughout the level. They do so with grace as they leap between cliffs of brown clay and unusually sturdy jungle flora.

“Slipslide Ride” is a beautiful ice-cave filled with mystical white light and the color cyan. Giant sparkling ice crystals line the Kongs’ path as they run and jump through powdery snow and slide up and down the glacial moulins by way of color-coded ropes. The thing about ice caves, though, is that as beautiful as they are, they are equally dangerous. If Donkey is jumping from rope to rope and his cold, stiff hands fail to grasp, he will be headed towards the unforgiving points of the giant blue crystals below.

While “Slipslide Ride” feels nice and calm, the dangers of “Ice Age Alley” are immediately apparent. The level path is a broken stretch of chunky ice with sheer icicle overhangs that point ever downwards. Downwards to where a Kong body would be deposited, broken and freezing below surface in a deepening snow drift, unaware of the soaring evergreens piled with bulging snow, or the pinkening atmosphere laid over the distant mountains of Kong Island. This Kong might be discovered thousands of years later, preserved in a presentable state like the Similaun Iceman.

Look at dem potatoes! I always thought the rounded rocks of the cave levels resembled stone potatoes. Stone potatoes because they exhibit too much surface specularity and height to truly be potatoes. The Kongs probably weren’t thinking of that as they bounced through this level. Then again, they weren’t thinking of much, jumping on rubber tires when there are pointy stalactites overhead. Though upon further investigation it appears my worry is unfounded. The stalactites and stalagmites are in the background and foreground! The Kongs have adequate headroom after all, and the player has an interesting view. This is one of the levels that used foreground elements that move parallel to the mid- and background layers. Each of these “grounds” has different lighting, too, which increases the feeling of depth and space further. The foreground stalactites are in almost complete shadow, while the middleground path is lit by a soft overhead/frontal right glow , and the far background formations are lit harshly with a more saturated golden color. This depth gives the sensation that there is more to this cave than the playable area. I want to go explore the background!

The Kremlings have built some huge industrial spaces on DK’s island. They spew toxic filth everywhere, believing that their military might gives them the right. DK’s claim to the island is based on its resemblance to his head, so he heads up to the factory to klean up some Kremlings. A little sweeping of the platforms and the place will be fine; it could be converted to make banana mash or something. These platforms are lit by harsh fluorescents overhead, meaning the pasty Kremlings within will have a vitamin D deficiency, and even less of a chance at victory. This level really carries the hallmarks of a modern factory. Caution striping, ladders over “X,” girded stage walls, strange hatches on the floor, burning oil barrels. [Ed.: Just watch an episode of How It's Made; burning oil barrels ALL OVER those factories!] We also have a great foreground layer with industrial elements. As a kid, I never noticed those brassy cogs. Weird.

There is an ancient heritage shown here. How long have the Kremlings been trying to claim DK’s island? Surely the island looked like Donkey’s head before they built temples here? Well, the place is inhabited now. We can tell because the wall sconces are burning and fresh TNT barrels are scattered around. That onyx vase looks to be well-polished, and now that I think of it, kudzu is known to grow fast. It’s a conspiracy! Donkey might be a dumbass, but they can’t fool Diddy! No matter. The temple levels are still very mystical, especially with the world music playing. Sort of reminds me of an exhibit at a natural history museum, or maybe a zoo.

It looks like somebody was watching Return of the Jedi! Must’ve been the Gnawties, and they did a great job of building the place. That must be why it’s my favorite level! I always dreamed of living in a tree like that, with the cute little hut doors and rope bridges. Best of all though: transportation by barrel!

This one is a color-swapped version of the original “Tree Top Town.” I guess everything is purpley-blue-grayish ’cause it’s in Gorilla Glacier and it’s pretty cold there. Firewood, crates of supplies, a long coil of rope…you really get an idea of the way of life up here. I guessed earlier that the Gnawties built the place, but don’t beavers cut down trees? Are rhinoceroses really Arctic creatures? I think Gnawties built the place. Dammit, they didn’t check their perspective either. Good thing DK and Diddy cash in a lot of hang time.

Looking at these levels, I learned a few things, especially that in game environments, chunky forms look good. If I could describe the whole of Donkey Kong Country, I’d say it’s a chunky, funky, game with great environmental lighting. Peace.

Thanks to the good people at DKC Atlas for mapping these levels (otherwise my screenshots would’ve sucked!) and to C. Gage, John Nash, and Adam Smith for doing the background art in the first place.

Joseph Culp is an illustrator.

“Video games are only for very cool boys,” he said before being beaten to death.
–Cameron Kunzelman

The Sexism in Gaming panel did, as predicted, kick major ass! Panelist Samantha Allen wrote a brief post about it for The Border House (which I will lazily link to here, since she said everything I want to say about it and said it well), and you can listen to an audio recording of the entire discussion on YouTube (embedded below). There’s no video, but if you picture Samantha being graceful and composed, Kat as Lara Croft, Cameron looking like a bearded silent film villain, and me making a lot of extravagant hand gestures, it’ll be just like being present for the session. Go give it a listen!

Got a question(s) for the panel? Shoot it to etsusivgpanel@gmail.com and we’ll do our best to answer within the time limit.

Look forward to seeing you there! And BONUS, for all those who can’t come due to geographical inconvenience: look forward to a massive post (or two, or three) on Gamervescent in the coming weeks to discuss some of the material in further detail.

Not only is Jennifer Hale the incredible voice of FemShep (best voice acting performance in a video game ever, yes?), Naomi Hunter AND E.E. in Metal Gear Solid, Cinderella in Kingdom Hearts, Samus Aran in the GameCube-era Metroid games, Bastila Shan in KotOR—basically, you’ve heard the woman’s voice at some point in everything, go spend hours scrolling through her IMDb page—I just now learned that she provided the voice for my favorite character in BioShock Infinite: Rosalind Lutece.

Game Trailers posted a wonderful interview with her and Oliver Vacquer, who voiced Robert Lutece, today. Go watch it! And then bow down before Jennifer Hale, because although we are not worthy, she continues to grace us with the dulcet tones of her amazingly versatile voice.

Over the past week, two different people, who I believe are not part of a conspiracy of asking me eerily similar things, mentioned “not really enjoying shooters” but wanted to know more about BioShock Infinite and other shooting games.

So, I thought I would lay some stuff out there for people who are not necessarily into shooters and where to start if you want to give them a chance.

Step 1: Go out and buy the Orange Box. Do not borrow it, unless it is from one of those friends who doesn’t notice you’re just kind of keeping his or her belongings. The Orange Box contains Half-Life 2, which, as I have previously mentioned on many occasions, is the best. But all of the games on the Orange Box are seriously worth owning.

Step 2: Gather many, many refreshments around you. I recommend energy bars and some Vitamin Water. If we’re going to do this thing, we’re going to do it right. And I don’t want you getting dehydrated or malnourished.

Step 3: Play Half-Life 2. The best way to start off is with a really good, really solid first-person shooter that allows you to ease into getting a handle on your weapons and how they work before you are attacked on all sides. Half-Life 2 is one of the best first-person shooters I have ever played. Holy shit, it is so fun, I want to play it right now. Ahem.

Step 4: Experiment. Remember that everyone has his or her preferences when it comes to weapons, and it’s up to you to find what makes you comfortable and to discover what weapons work best on what enemies. While it might seem like a super good idea to equip only a grenade launcher and blow up everything in sight, you will soon discover that at close range, grenade launchers are a terrible idea. Also, there is nothing like a really terrific sniping spot.

Step 5: Chill out. You’re going to die a few times, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s how you learn how the game works.

Step 6: Finish playing Half-Life 2 (and the additional episodes) and congratulate yourself on your own awesomeness. Then, try out some other games.

One thing that both people mentioned to me was that they were not into violence. (Is anyone, besides Charles Manson?) The best way to avoid extreme violence is to take the game up to the counter at GameStop and pretend you’re buying the game for your 10-year-old nephew and ask how gory it is. That way they won’t gossip about how lame you are after you leave. That tip is yours for free. You’re welcome.

Another thing I usually tell people who are not into the violence of shooters is to play Halo. All of them. Because you’re not shooting at human targets that way. Their blood is orange and hilarious, and they drop awesome grenades. Also fun and good for co-play? Left 4 Dead. Your targets are zombies, and some of them explode when you shoot them. Just know that I always play with Bill. No exceptions. So don’t even think about stealing him.

However, if you are not opposed to violence and enjoy the screams of your enemies, then I do highly recommend BioShock above almost any other first-person shooter.

BioShock, like Half-Life 2, eases you into your weapons and gives you time to test them out before you challenge any of the really difficult opponents. You also have your Plasmids/Vigors, and there is nothing so satisfying as shooting bees at your enemies with your left hand, whilst shooting a gun with your right. It’s so fun that I want to play it right now…right after I play Half-Life 2 again. And then play more BioShock Infinite (which I recommend not playing until you’ve at least played through the first one).

Admittedly, I don’t know everything about shooters, as I am not into Call of Duty, Borderlands, etc. So, I am opening up further discussion in comments. What shooters do you recommend? What are your favorites? Let’s all enjoy shooters together.

Bethany Bryan writes funny things at Welcome to Bethville! and xoJane.