Whaddup, Bethany? I’m finally playing!
And now I remember why I kept quitting while I was still in or just finished with City 17 before: I SUCK AT GETTING OUT OF THE CITY. Orienting myself in video game geography is just not my strong point. And figuring out where I need to go? In a chase situation with no weapons? Ha! Hahaha. So I took to the internet and it told me where I needed to run. Thanks, GameFAQs! You’re a doll. Good things about the city? Well, I took every opportunity to hassle the guard dudes before they could do any real damage to me. IN YOUR FACE, asshole who knocked that can on the ground!
Heeeey, Alyx! You look cool. I like your jacket. Maybe you will enlighten me as to what the hell is going on around here? No? Oh well, I still like you. Lamarr! You’re so cute! How do you de-beak a headcrab, anyway? Where do headcrabs come from? What the hell is going on around here? Alyx, you don’t seem too concerned about jumping into this experimental transporter thingy. Wait, WHAT happened to the cat? Why does no one tell me anything? Barney, you’re kind of a dope. Well, looks like that worked. Here I go! NO, LAMARR! DON’T ESCAPE! How will you get by without your beak?! Well, crap. OK, Barney, I revised my opinion of you slightly since you gave me a crowbar. A weapon! Now we’re talking. I had to look at GameFAQs again to figure out where the hell I was supposed to go on that railroad, but I am damn good at slaughtering my way through these Combine cop guys. PISTOL! This is fun!
Kill, kill, run, run, what the hell is a Vortigaunt? That was nice of him to charge my suit up. I’m still not exactly sure what it is that my suit does, besides look cool, but I’m sure it’s better to be charged. Whoa, that’s a lot of dudes coming at me!
Wait, shit. There was a turret gun right there? I just wasted an awful lot of ammo. Oh well! They’re dead, anyway. Aaaagh, these tongue things are gross! I had to kill them all; I just don’t like to leave them sitting around to tongue up other passers-by. Stackin’ cinderblocks, stackin’ cinderblocks on a plank, let’s finish this “puzzle” so we can get back to shooting things, Gordon.
Waaaaait just a second there, we can’t kill THAT thing. Run! Run! Sprint button! Got away. BOOM! Killed some gross tongue thingies. What the hell are these other things? Manhacks? I’m not exactly sure what a Manhack is, but I sure do like to shoot them! Oops, they got that other guy. Sorry, other guy.
Run, crawl, kill stuff! I am enjoying myself now.
Room with pipes. What the hell? Hold on…GameFAQs…oh. That valve in the middle. Other room…bust up some boxes…jump over to the other side…autosave.
I’ve got to quit now. This seems like a good stopping point. Bethany was right! It does get way better once you’re out of the city. I’m excited to see what comes next; I’m probably still in, like, the Trask Ulgo total beginning stage of the game. I want to shoot some headcrab zombies! And find out what in the world the Combine is and how they came to take over the world!
Until I play again, Half-Life 2.
TO BE CONTINUED…