Kaylan Makes Time for Mass Effect

So I finally decided to take Bethany and Jenn’s advice and get all up in some Mass Effect. Using my super nice gift card from Uncle R and Aunt J the trilogy for 2$ and confused a gamestop employee when he asked if it was a gift for the boyfriend by saying “ hell no he is going to be so mad I’ll be ignoring him again for vidjeo games”. His response “uhm…wow… well… that’s new” than I pranced out of the store happily to share the news of my purchase with the ladies.

If you ever receive a yes with that many S-es (S-s?! I dunno) you’re doing something right. Just sayin’.

 Once home I began my new adventure. Well… after I spent a good while customizing and making my backstory.
  • Let’s see…my name is Kaylan K. Shepard.

  • I’m a colonist. Everyone I know is dead.

  • …because slavers or something killed them on our colony

  • K K Shepard is a sole survivor.

  • Try and torture me. I don’t care. I AM A SURVIVOR. I’m not gon’ give up.

      • I’m not gon’ stop

        • I’m gon’ work harder

          • I’m a survivor

            • I’m gonna make it

              • I will survive

                • Keep on survivin’

  • I’m Vanguard.


Bethany: She looks Serious That’s because everyone she knows is dead.
After creating KK Shep, I came to the conclusion that more hair choices are needed. Maybe a nice long sleek pony? But I’m diggin’ my scar choice. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYWHO, I start the game after much decision time and what do I hear?
And Taller. I’m guessing … he was sitting down but he sure looked taller.

I shoot a wall accidentally, and no one bats an eye. Guess that’s normal up in the spaceship. Everyone and everything is bulletproof…I know due to the fact I shot at everyone. I think an NPC yawned at me. After a tiny briefing I meet the silver foxxy vixen Dr. Chakwas (Bethany informs me I can’t wife her :’( *sad faced forever*) and this idjit named Jenkins. I ask them many questions about what they know regarding pretty much errrything. Explain to Jenkins sternly he shouldn’t be a hero out on the mission (this is important).

Dude, chill out and listen to her accent with me.
 I go through another briefing, meet a Spectre ( he seems cool), and ask a million more questions before going off on my mission. Five minutes into our mission, Jenkins runs off and gets all murdered. I imagined KK Shep throwing her hands up like what just happened.
Damn it! You had ONE JOB. Whatever I said we should give the moron a nice burial and all that respective jazz. I’m a good person.

Eventually I find this lady named Ashley and tell her she should join me and Ol’- what’s – his- face ( I  honestly do not know his name, and I have the game paused currently. Maybe I’ll learn it by the next time I check in ). I learn I am horrible at opening storage locker no matter how easy it is… I may keep zoning instead of pressing buttons UGH! My Spectre friend gets all murdered, and I meet some dude who only survived a massacre because he was asleep on the job ( I need to take a moment apologize to a few of my friends I have mocked for actions such as this. I’m sorry your laziness may save your life one day. I was wrong.) I soon die after I fail at finding four chargers to detonate. Second go-round I did much better…due to advice I had forgotten about:

I would be lost without you. Jenn and the map
I find the beacon touch it and junk, piss off some space villains, and go back to my ship. Some rocky beginnings for me, but eventually I will get the hang of this and I will let you know how I feel. So far I am in love with the color scheme and having fun learning what to do over all. I am also pretty into how many people have already died. (I know that’s terrible, but it gives me incentive to fight).
What is up next for Hansome What’s-His-Face and Kaylan K Shepard? Only Time will tell…

7 thoughts on “Kaylan Makes Time for Mass Effect”

  1. I almost gave up on ME1 due to some horrible tutorial shenanigans involving using cover & targeting in a corridor-hallway thing. I died a bunch of times and was ready to rage quit when I realized I had been targeting the wrong baddy so the tutorial wouldn’t let me win. Sooooo…watch out for that, I guess? Once you get the controls mastered, it’s great after that. Until the next game’s learning curve, because they gotta go change everything around on ya.

  2. *dying* re-reading so many things tonight and oh man I was super good at this. Now gimmie ME4 puhleassssseeeeee need can’t stop won’t stop I <3 bioware

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