A Grey Warden is Born: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Begins

As I play Dragon Age Origins, I’ve kept my phone close and put my initial thoughts in my phone’s notepad. Here they are so far:

My name is Käylæn and I am a rogue elf. I like to live in the city…aaaaand I’m being forced to marry a stranger, booyah, off to a great start. From rags to riches here I come!


fuuuuuucccckkkk why did I pick the creepy rapey beginning?? Ffffff, ugh, power through this. Like, I thought this was a synopsis of my past, not that I would play… And like that description said something about a surprise interruption or something ruins my wedding? All I know is nothing in that choose-your-origin blurb said “friends kidnapped,” “friend’s throat slit,” and “oh yeah let’s throw in a part where your friends get raped.”

no no no no

Ughhhhhhhh my traumatized elf will drag herself around to focus on something else. Might as well become a Grey Warden or whatever, anything to forget

DUNCAN DUNCAN DUNCAN LEMME TOUCH YO BEARD! It is so beautiful. Can I romance you, I WANNNA

I hate you King Cailan. Your name sounds too much like mine. I don’t want to hear it anymore. 🙁 stop


whoa, poison. Glad I made it. Jerks.

I’m helping save a dog y’all!! It’s a cutie. I hope I get to keep this dog. Fingers crossed.

Duncan is dead guys 🙁

Oh. That lady [Flemeth] needs conditioner bad. Her poor hair. She’s still pretty good-lookin’ for like a billion years old. You go girl! Man, your daughter [Morrigan] is sassy.

Alistair is one of the most charming characters I have ever encountered. That goof is impossible not to flirt with.  Why the hell do I want to hug him so bad?

Morrigan is a mean girl. Amusingly so. Buttttt dammmmmnnnn she has sass. Girl’s eye makeup and yellow eyes are on POINT. Sometimes I want to slap her though. But I would never really.


Leliana, I don’t really know how to talk to you without sounding offensive. I admire your faith but I’m not as devoted or fanatical. Sorry I offended you. I gave you a cake, hope you are at least okay with me now. At least you tell cool stories. I like tales.

Sten I hate hate HATE your hair. I’m sorry. I also don’t have much of an opinion of you, but you look like a decent warrior. Mostly because you so obviously do not care about your hair.

Grey Warden dragon dreams [Archdemon dreams] are awesome. I mean, I guess if you aren’t afraid that thing is actually real and a threat to you. I don’t care; I still want dragon dreams.

Bodahn and his kid… Sandal?… Seem okay… But why so clingy? I’m gonna let them chill with me for a bit. Hopefully they seem suspicious because they are just so nice, and not sneaky dicks.

“That’s what I’ve heard on the road, anyhow, take it for what it is.” Yea. I get it. Why must you tell me every, like seriously every, time?

——did he say werewolves?!?


I just realized how angry I will be if my dog dies. Don’t die, dog.

Sten I’m not getting your soul-sword soulless story. What is going on. I am still pretty solid in my belief that you shouldn’t have hurt the farmers. But hell yeah! Okay! Let’s find that sword! You know we have time…I’m on a big quest here and there are lots of mini quests piling up.

I’mmma gonna flirt with both Leliana and Alistair for a minute until I figure out who I like better.

crap, I made out with Leliana and now she’s talking like that’s that. A kiss is not a contract, dude

Okay now she’s yelling at me. I haven’t even kissed Alistair! Doesn’t she know I’m scared of her locking me down before I’m ready? Why is she yelling at me.

Alistair Leliana

oh what I am not ready for this what are you doing?? Uhhh

LAWL I’m already dumped in a vidjeo game…again. Lololololololololol welp guess I’m gonna go flirt more with Alistair… The hell just happened?

I haven’t even left camp and errrrryyyybody wants to make out with me

[Ed. note: Enthusiastic application of the Feastday Gifts DLC made Käylæn extremely popular with her party members very quickly.]

whew I gotta get out of this camp before I make a mistake and settle down tooooo early

I’m off to see the Dalish, more updates later.

In the next installment, Kaylan realizes “I can make out with Alistair anywhere I want basically. Utilizing this.”

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