MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR? Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 5

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Wynne now approves of my relationship.

Heading to the Circle Tower to ask the mages to help me, doo da doo da

Gonna save a stupid kid [Connor] from the demon that possesses thee, oh the doo da daaaay

Well that was easy, Irving was super agreeable

aww, found Alistair’s momma’s amulet and he’s acting so damn precious about it. “Is this the part where we start dancing? Because I’m game.” I like yo style

Jowan you are going into the Fade to right your wrongs. You said you wanted to help, so there you go.

I really like the Fade areas.

Killed dem demons. Saved the kid. Gonna have to find an urn [of Sacred Ashes]; asked them to hold off on killing Jowan.

Hell yeah, thanks Mr. Blacksmith for the cool dwarven armor!

Went back to camp to donate stuff to the cause and Alistair was all thanking me and being super cute. “Now that the warm fuzzy part of the day is over we can get back to the normal dismemberment …oh wait it’s not tuesday is it?” lol wat

Oh shit I found Sten’s sword, better give it to him

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR SOULSWORD. Ugghhhh, I hate Sten.

ugh I hate Sten

Glad you have a heartfelt convo with Mordin [the mabari] about the sword and not me, asshole. My dog is better than me.

Whoa Flem, you a body snatcher! I gotta kill yew I guess.

Talked to Wynne at camp; she is all about talking about my relationship. Maybe ’cause I make out with Alistair in front of her so much.

Oh man, she’s making me feel guilty about this relationship… What is happening

I feel really defensive right now. Is this foreshadowing?!

Better now check up on why she almost fainted on the battlefield earlier. AND SHE TELLS ME NOTHING. Lady, you said go to camp and you’ll explain.

I wish I could find, like, the last griffon. Stupid extinction. Wynne must hate me, I only want to know about griffons

Removing part of your religion, huh. Taking out the elves, huh? To mold it better to your liking of the divine. Sounds familiar, ugh. [Ed.: no idea who Käylæn was speaking to at this point]

Sister Theohild was a riot though. Sassy lady who speaks her mind.

LOL my dog tried to kidnap a kid

Alistair, calm down. You asked to visit your sister [Goldanna]; that is what we are doing.

—never mind she’s a big all sour puss meanie

——oh hell no, “some elf”???

HE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT AN ACKNOWLEDGED PRINCE

THAT WAS AWKWARD AND TERRIBLE

—she best not have kept my monies

DAMNNIT ALISTAIR SHE KEPT MY MONIES

no self pity, Goldanna sucks

So angry

So so angry

Oh. In this fake dead mage’s apprentice’s house, standing over the real mage’s body, when my dog accidentally spoke to you… This is where you choose to say “I love you”?

Uhm. Okay, ditto buddy, but next big relationship step shouldn’t happen over a corpse, okay?

Went to The Pearl to find bad guys. Got curious and told the lady to surprise me. Now I’m in my undies

—and there is a whip on the bed—

I ran out of there.

Oh, found a secret Warden trap!

Then I went back to the brothel and kept telling the lady to surprise me.

Magic wand—examine: not sure I want to remember last night.

Nugs—examine: trying to look busy.  🙁 Did I harm these beasts?!

Insertion tool—examine: to ensure customer satisfaction splurge on the right tool… Oh…

Husky Dwarf—I’m done

How does Alistair love my character? Like, I’ve been curiously exploring everywhere, everything, and everyone, it seems.

Persuaded the bad dudes to stop loitering around the brothel.

Isabela is one Bad B and she’s going to teach me the basics of being a duelist! Caught her cheating at cards, so I get to learn!

Damn those bad dudes following me and making me murder them.

Did a bunch of random stuff in Denerim ’til I got bored and confused on what I should really be doing there. Hid some bodies, killed some blood mages, blah blah

I think I’ll hold off on killing Flemeth and visit somewhere else first.

Haven seems hostile. Because that guard was ruuuuuudeee

WHAT, AN ALTAR COVERED IN HUMAN BLOOD??

uhhh this kid outside chanting about bonny Lynne is creeping me out

This place has gotta be a cult.

UHHHHH THE SHOPKEEPER HAS A CORPSE IN THE BACK ROOM, JUST LAYING OUT LIKE DECORATION.

Nope

Nope

Nope

Haven is a lie, gosh darn it, of course the body is one of the Arl’s knights, OF COURSE

Left that shop and a bunch of “cultists” attacked me. Just saying, I knew it was a cult.

You be crazy cult leader… Yeah okay, I’ll kill you…but you started this.

Oh good Brother Genitivi is alive.

Aaaaand going to lose a foot. I’m sorry, buddy.

During the speaking options about Brother Genitivi’s apprentice and his body I wish there was an option to be all, “Oh by the way, my Boyfriend said he loved me over your fake apprentice’s dead body. Can you explain to him the meaning of timing?”

Yup, this cult is cray; they think this dragon is Andraste’s second coming.

Uhm, no thank you, I don’t want to defile those ashes but k thx for the offer

MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? I miss shit like this when I get lazy and auto level.

Oh hey Guardian, I killed those crazies. Can I have ashes now?

Very well; let’s be all vague about my trials to get to the urn.

whoa this Guardian is a huge guilt tripper. Damn, son.

NO NO NO NO NO I AM TERRIBLE AT RIDDLES

………4 out of 9 right, I’ll take it.

NO I DONT WANNA DEAL WITH GUILT STUFF. Ughhhh, facing past people.

Whoa this place is crazy. I have faced and defeated:

  • My own party but illusions and invisible
  • Solved—after an hour—the stupidest puzzle on invisible blocks. That is my main complaint with RPGs: times the puzzles are so ridiculous it’s no longer fun.
  • Got naked and ran through a fire.
  • Got cleansed and proved worthy.

Had another dragon dream, ruined by Alistair saying it “sawr us.” SAWR

Camp no longer safe, I guess.

Wynne now approves of my relationship.

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