kitty

“Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 7

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Shale, stuck

I decided to rest at camp BEFORE I go to the Circle of Magi to talk about my cute dwarven friend.

Wynne, what’s wrong? What do you mean you didn’t survive the tower? But you’re not undead? ….oh, you have a spirit in you. Bless it. We will make the best of your last days, buddy.

Gotta go find Oghren’s special lady friend. Thank you for realizing when you bang your lady it would be gross to think of me, Oghren.

IRVING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR HELPING DAGNA!!!!! (I’ll tell her after I find Oghren’s lady frand.)

Went to the wrong place and found a golem named Shale.

— stupid merchant gave me the wrong magic words!

— I’m sorry you think Shale killed your poppa, if he did maybe he had a good reason. I’ll ask if I can find the right command.

— OF COURSE I WILL SAVE YOUR LITTLE GIRL I AM NO MONSTER

uh… is Kitty bad?

— GAH Amalia just come with me.

— okay Kitty, WTF we had a deal!

— why do I keep trying to be nice to demons

BOOYAH I GOT A GOLEM.

— and he’s grumpy and condescending. You’ll fit right in.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SHALE NO! NO NO NO! I LOVE CHICKENS I KNOW YOU HAVE JUST MET ME AND DO NOT KNOW THIS. BUT PLEASE NEVER SMASH ANOTHER CHICKEN INTO A BLOOD PILE AGAIN. WHY DID YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. WTF. NO.

oh… Bhelen did kill Harrowmont… uhhhh awkward…. I just popped in to see how he was… Turns out … Dead.

Went to the wrong area to meet up with Dagna but remembered I had a quest with Orta. 🙂 Yay her home was saved and she is recognized!

This is the part where I got angry because I found in Orzammar’s assembly hall the Key To The City

and couldn’t see the key in my “plot items,” got super frustrated for about 20 minutes, and then realized it is a ring… It’s not a real key; it’s jewelry.

. . . . My companions don’t have the best reunion moments, huh? Haha, I love that I am playing wing-man.

OGHREN NOOOO DO NOT JUST TELL A LADY THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GREASE UP THE OL’ BRONTO.

Also do you call your penis the Ol’ Bronto?! Nope. Don’t need to know.

There you go buddy, act disinterested. It’s working.

LOL THIS DIRTY TALK: “you fringed deerstalker,” this is flirting at it’s finest. [Ed. Take note, boys] Not joking; that was funny and adorable.

Going back to camp to see what I should do next!

— STEN WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING ME.

Golem Quest!

Aww, Shale remembered! And Shale is a lady Golem! Glad you got to remember. Do not celebrate by stomping farm animals!

(After talking to Shale I realize it was once female, now genderless. Either way you remembered your roots!!)

Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist trying my patience. Now we are having a gender roles debate. WHY IS THIS CONFUSING, STEN?!

Wtf: “Do they also wish to live on the moon? That’s as attainable.” I AM ALREADY A GREY WARDEN DUDE, STEP OFF. Why can you not believe me that women don’t have sex-assigned roles. Ughhhh Sten… I can’t even.. I can’t .. I just, that was painful.

Oh Oghren Bear, stop letting your ex-wife (who was rude, crazy, and demeaning) make you feel bad! She was wrong; you are a fighter and a good buddy. Cheer up, buttercup.

I have missed something along the way on my golem stuff cause the areas are glowy… hrrrmmmm…. Oh Wynne! Be careful, don’t drain the spirit! YOU ARE ON BORROWED TIME. (Thanks for having my back, though.)

I dunno why these areas are glowing or what I should do.

I’m just gonna do these side quests city by city. I will report back if anything big happens… Until then I will fetch, kill, and make out with Alistair.

   

Kaylan Kennedy has been making out with Alistair for a loooooong time waiting for this post to be published.

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