Kaylan Plays Mass Effect Part 2: ELEVATORS ARE THE WORST

In the first chapter of Kaylan’s Mass Effect Journey, Kaylan found the map.

While playing through the first Mass Effect (I’m still in the Citadel, so not too far into it even if it’s been roughly 15 hours of game time) I have learned some things.

1) Remembering that you can command your group to run ahead of you is helpful even outside of combat. I learned this lesson after Garrus cornered me and refused to move for ten minutes. Luckily I remembered the charge forward command and happily continued on exploring.

WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY I COULDN’T JUST SLIDE PAST HIM.
WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY I COULDN’T JUST SLIDE PAST HIM.

2) The mission in which I scan the Keepers was ridiculously annoying. Hopefully something more will come of this besides the text pop of “CONGRATS YOU DID IT” (I’m paraphrasing, but basically it was that exciting). Also, Keepers are just typing giant Mantes (Mantises? You know those green bugs that look like they pray but are really just serial killers of the insect world). NPCs in the area seem to think if they are disturbed they’ll explode, but I’ve run into them…stood around tooooo long, as well as tried to fire a weapon in their direction (the game refuses to let me test out bullets on them), and well, nothing happened. They just keep typing away ignoring my experiments.

I have no clue why Wrex keeps hiding when I stand next to the Keepers, but he does this every time. Kinda bobbing up and down, maybe because he’s silly.
I have no clue why Wrex keeps hiding when I stand next to the Keepers, but he does this every time. Kinda bobbing up and down, maybe because he’s silly.

3) I fucking love the Elcor. Everything. About. Them. I find it adorable that they describe the tone of their speech so others understand how they feel. Because they have a monotone and lack facial expression. HOW CUTE IS THAT? They also look like a Cuttlefish and an Elephant mated.

Delighted Enthusiasm: You’re perfect.
Delighted Enthusiasm: You’re perfect.
Your name is Calyn, mine name is Kaylan. Let's be best friends.
Your name is Calyn, mine name is Kaylan. Let’s be best friends.

4) I helped an evangelical pink blob [Ed.: prosthelytizing Hanar] in spreading his crazy all over the pavilion. Whenever I run past, I hear the nonsense and imagine I ruined a lot of civilians’ days. That makes me happy…

I’m terrible.

5) I am being super nice to everyone because I am not sure which characters I can take to Sex Pound Town later… except Ashley. I’m a dick to her. Why? Because she’s an annoying space racist. SHUT UP ASHLEY I HATE YOU.

6) Elevators are the WORST.

 

Jenn and Bethany are super smug ’cause they already know who Kaylan ended up taking to Sex Pound Town.

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