“Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 7

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Shale, stuck

I decided to rest at camp BEFORE I go to the Circle of Magi to talk about my cute dwarven friend.

Wynne, what’s wrong? What do you mean you didn’t survive the tower? But you’re not undead? ….oh, you have a spirit in you. Bless it. We will make the best of your last days, buddy.

Gotta go find Oghren’s special lady friend. Thank you for realizing when you bang your lady it would be gross to think of me, Oghren.

IRVING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR HELPING DAGNA!!!!! (I’ll tell her after I find Oghren’s lady frand.) Continue reading “Back at camp Sten is being a real misogynist,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 7

“Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal

Guys, what a day. What a red-letter day!

Bethany and I have been neglecting G-vesc for the last few months because: busy with other stuff. Today, August 20, happens to be my lovely Leo co-editor’s birthday, and today I happen to have some free time, so I decided to log in and catch the site up with some of the awesome stuff we’ve had piling up for a while now in observance of Bethany Day. Since I installed a spam blocker our comment moderation duties have lightened considerably, and there was only one comment waiting for approval.

Friends, what a comment it was. What a comment it IS.

Remember when I wrote this joke post about what Asari look like to each other? (Probably not. That’s okay! You should look at it if you want to see Steve Buscemi eyes Photoshopped onto Liara, though.) Seven days ago, on the 13th of August 2015, an intrepid internet explorer stumbled across that post and took umbrage with my speculation that an Asari might possibly appear to resemble a blue-skinned Jason Momoa. “Nay,” he* thought, “I must take to the comments section and inform the author of this post of all my speculations regarding Asari phenotype and genitalia (and I have spent a good bit of time thinking about this!).” And in just under 700 words he* did so, resulting in the most amazing comment that has ever appeared in this website’s “pending” folder.

I’m not going to approve it to appear under the post, lol, because this is my website and I can do what I want to, but I have preserved its glory in two screenshots and will now publish it here for your enjoyment. Happiest of birthdays, Bethany! Continue reading “Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal


by Brett Marcus Cook

I bought Splatoon a few days after it came out. I’ve been playing it every night since, barring one or two days. I’ve been trying to write about it for a week now. I’m in love with this game and its world and I can’t figure out how to articulate it.

To start, I love the world that this game is built around. The title screen when you load the game is an empty bedroom, presumably belonging to your Inkling character (I chose to play as a girl, of course), with a map of the room on the gamepad’s screen and spots of ink indicating you’ve gone out. Inkopolis is this bustling, lively place where player characters hang around. Music blasts across the hub area from speakers set up in front of the building, which serves as the game’s multiplayer lobby. It feels like Tokyo­to from Jet Set Radio, or the way Shibuya was depicted in the World Ends With You, and I love that the music is actually a part of the world, that what you hear (some of it is known as “squidcore”) really is what everyone listens to in this particular ink­splattering game culture. Continue reading SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT

Lifeless Planet: Not Even a Little Bit Funny


Lifeless is a funny word.

Obviously not in the context of a loved one floating facedown in a swimming pool.

Or crumpled at the bottom of a mansion staircase.

Or lying  in a hospital bed wearing a vacant expression as the beeps of the heart monitor grow more….and more…… f a r  a p a r t …until finally…BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP….and the doctor enters the room and says, “I’m calling it. Time of death: 4:53 PM. I’m really sorry, Mr. Johnson, but he’s gone.”

Continue reading Lifeless Planet: Not Even a Little Bit Funny

“This wrangling nugs thing is not so bad,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 6

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5


Went back to the Dalish camp and saved the Halla. 🙂

I saved the Arl, he than made us his CHAMPIONS OF REDCLIFFE! booooyah

Poor Alistair doesn’t want to be a King but everyone is all, “be king, yo!”

Sorry Jowan you’re alive but now forced forever to live in the Tower of Magi. BUT YOU ARE ALIVE

Dwarves settle kingly matters with axes. Continue reading “This wrangling nugs thing is not so bad,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 6

5 Otome Games You Need to Check Out

I’m here to make a confession today: I love otome games.

Fine, if you read this site I’ll admit you’ve probably already figured that out by my series “Let’s Get it On,” but I’m mentioning this specifically because it’s super nerdy. Plus, although I sneer at my friend’s romance novels, I really have no room to talk here in my glass house. [Ed.: anyone who says they don’t live in a pink-tinted glass house of smut is lying or deluded, or perhaps just lives a sad, sad life (unless you’re asexual, you’re perfect and we heart you too)—official G-vesc position on romance ♥]

Otome games are also sometimes called dating sims and generally fall into the visual novel category. Visual novels tend to be extremely story-driven with the outcomes determined by the choices you make along a branching story route. Dating sims often have you scheduling your character’s time in order to raise specific stats by doing certain activities. While all three terms are often used interchangeably (by me at least), my definitions overlap more like rectangles and squares: all the otome games I’ve played are visual novels, but not all are dating sims.

As a quick peek at Wikipedia shows us, otome games are literally “girl games.” They’re aimed at a female audience and are evidently a fairly new genre. They’re most popular in Japan, but from what my personal anec-data show me, the genre is quickly gaining a bit of traction in the U.S. as well, and is especially popular with indie creators. I could go on with the stats, both real and imagined, but seriously just go read that article. It’s short and actually pretty interesting. Continue reading 5 Otome Games You Need to Check Out

the couple that games together…STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF


Let’s start this out with a disclaimer:  I am super bad at sharing. Like, I once cried because my family tried to make me share my can of Pringles with my stepsister. So, I’m bad at sharing with anyone, and I like to play video games, and so does my husband. So we pretty much have two of every system now, except for the PS4, since that’s too expensive…right now.  (Not forever though. I will have my own!! *cue evil laughter*)

For a while, we were pretty broke and shared a PS2. I remember a lot of timing each other playing games and going, “No, it’s my turn now,” and spending plenty of time switching between whose turn it was to play Final Fantasy XII.  Eventually we got more hours at our jobs, and we ended up buying ourselves two PS3s, so we have separate setups for playing our games. His stuff is in the living room, and I have the Pink Room, which is dedicated to my stuff.  Continue reading the couple that games together…STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF

An Incomplete List of Awful Things in Bloodborne


I had just fought my way through a rather dreary village made up of run­down shacks built from rotting wood. I made my way into a large barn, occupied with only one foe, not too different from the other pitchfork and axe-wielding ghoulish figures I’ve been cutting down for so much of this game. I started towards him, but when he noticed me, something weird happened. He groaned, clutching his head. Before I could take the time to speculate what his problem was, his head exploded, with perhaps a dozen venomous snakes emerging from what remained of his neck.

The biggest snake of the bunch lashed out from quite a distance, poisoning me. Before I could use an antidote, I was struck by more of them, quickly dying. Continue reading An Incomplete List of Awful Things in Bloodborne

Life is Strange Episode 1: Totally Angsty Teenager

life is strange

I reached an epiphany about a month into gaming with my deliciously relevant PlayStation 4, and it was pretty depressing. I crunched the numbers—since the new Batman and Star Wars: Battlefront are coming out, and shit, I still haven’t played Inquisition, and Until Dawn looks freaking spectacular—and oh yeah, I basically realized I can’t afford AAA game titles.

I am a grown-ass woman, and making what I make at my full-time job, I cannot afford AAA game titles. I have bills to pay, cats to feed, a roof to keep over my head, yadda yadda yadda—and yet, I do feel the pressing need to be on the edge of entertainment, to keep up with the newest must-play games, to have relevant opinions OK, that living organisms outside of the two furry ones I shovel shit for will actually want to hear.

The solution? Indie games! Apparently they’re a thing on consoles now, too!

(A/N: For everyone’s safety, just assume I’m a time-traveling Martian who hasn’t really touched a console since 2002, and you will understand my dumbshit excitement about things like independent games being sold digitally or streaming television on my gaming system so much better.) Continue reading Life is Strange Episode 1: Totally Angsty Teenager

MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR? Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 5

Previously: Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Wynne now approves of my relationship.

Heading to the Circle Tower to ask the mages to help me, doo da doo da

Gonna save a stupid kid [Connor] from the demon that possesses thee, oh the doo da daaaay

Well that was easy, Irving was super agreeable

aww, found Alistair’s momma’s amulet and he’s acting so damn precious about it. “Is this the part where we start dancing? Because I’m game.” I like yo style

Jowan you are going into the Fade to right your wrongs. You said you wanted to help, so there you go.

I really like the Fade areas.

Killed dem demons. Saved the kid. Gonna have to find an urn [of Sacred Ashes]; asked them to hold off on killing Jowan. Continue reading MORRIGAN CAN TURN INTO A BEAR? Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 5

games. life. occasional giddiness.