Tag Archives: asari

“Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal

Guys, what a day. What a red-letter day!

Bethany and I have been neglecting G-vesc for the last few months because: busy with other stuff. Today, August 20, happens to be my lovely Leo co-editor’s birthday, and today I happen to have some free time, so I decided to log in and catch the site up with some of the awesome stuff we’ve had piling up for a while now in observance of Bethany Day. Since I installed a spam blocker our comment moderation duties have lightened considerably, and there was only one comment waiting for approval.

Friends, what a comment it was. What a comment it IS.

Remember when I wrote this joke post about what Asari look like to each other? (Probably not. That’s okay! You should look at it if you want to see Steve Buscemi eyes Photoshopped onto Liara, though.) Seven days ago, on the 13th of August 2015, an intrepid internet explorer stumbled across that post and took umbrage with my speculation that an Asari might possibly appear to resemble a blue-skinned Jason Momoa. “Nay,” he* thought, “I must take to the comments section and inform the author of this post of all my speculations regarding Asari phenotype and genitalia (and I have spent a good bit of time thinking about this!).” And in just under 700 words he* did so, resulting in the most amazing comment that has ever appeared in this website’s “pending” folder.

I’m not going to approve it to appear under the post, lol, because this is my website and I can do what I want to, but I have preserved its glory in two screenshots and will now publish it here for your enjoyment. Happiest of birthdays, Bethany! Continue reading “Asari Look Like Asari”: A Very Thorough Rebuttal

Refugees Taking Up Too Much Space on the Citadel

If you’re a fan of Men Taking Up Too Much Space on the Train and Mass Effect 3, you’ll love my new blog idea called “Refugees Taking Up Too Much Space on the Citadel.” I know! Aliens are so rude.

Let’s check out some of the latest culprits, shall we?

Just look at this Batarian. What has four eyes and doesn’t give up seats for pregnant ladies? THIS GUY.

batarian jerk
Total jerk.

And how about these asari? They’re taking up five seats all by themselves! Oh, your home planet is overrun by Reapers? Poor you. Maybe think about somebody besides yourselves next time. Your moms didn’t raise you to force the elderly to stand during their entire visit to the Citadel holding area for refugees.

asari jerks
Shepard gives the side-eye to some jerks.

And this Turian! Are you saving that other seat for someone or can a lady carrying all these shopping bags sit down already?

turian jerk
What’s in those suitcases anyway? All your dead relatives from Palaven?

What Asari Look Like to Each Other

BuscemiEyesLiara

So in that bar on Illium, in Mass Effect 2the one where Matriach Aethyta worksif you’re a big creep who goes around and eavesdrops on other people’s conversations and you listen to that multi-species group of dudes watching an Asari exotic dancer for a bachelor party, they confirm that the physical appearance of the Asari differs depending on who’s doing the looking. The convo (heavily paraphrased) goes something like this:

Salarian: “It’s cool that you guys find the Asari so attractive. I’ve always found that interesting, since they look so much like my people.”

Turian: “What? No! They look like Turians! Check out the mandibles on this babe.”

Human: “I don’t know what you guys are talking about. They have boobs.”

And then they all look at one another with dawning realization and say something like, “Whooooaaaa, dudes, what DO the Asari really look like?”

Good question, bros! I have spent a lot of idle time wondering about it since.  Continue reading What Asari Look Like to Each Other

Real-Life Samara

Rana as Samara by Soulfire Studios

On the subject of Samara, it’s pretty badass that Rana McAnear, the face model for Samara and Morinth’s characters in Mass Effect 2 and 3, cosplays as Samara for conventions. She looks amazing, and seems to be very generous about sharing asari cosplay advice with fans on her official Facebook page.

I wonder if she ever goes out as Morinth? Nah, probably attracts a crowd of people hoping to get sexed to death.