A lot of people tell me I like to sit on high and impose my will upon others. “That’s utterly ridiculous!” I tell them from atop my solid gold replica of the throne from Game of Thrones. “I don’t even have a will. I plan to leave my fortune to Simon, my micro pig.” But despite my protests, I’ve been told that perhaps I should tone down how I recommend video games to people and “try harder to be relatable.” Therefore, I will not mention my vast fortune in this post. I will not tell you about any of the opulent things I’ve spent it on, such as my Optimus Prime automaton. And I certainly won’t talk about how luck follows me everywhere I go, showering me with the kind of happiness that only having everything I could ever want can bring.
I’ll just go right into talking about how my friend Jennifer Culp has not yet played the BioShock 2 DLC Minerva’s Den and the reasons she totally needs to. Because Minerva’s Den is utterly glorious and worth the $9.99 I spent to download it.
Without further delay, here are the reasons Jennifer needs to drop everything and play Minerva’s Den.
1. It’s utterly glorious and worth the $9.99 you spend to download it. Full disclosure, I would have spent $999 to download it. But not because I’m ridiculously wealthy or anything.
2. The final battle of Minerva’s Den is the final battle we deserved at the end of BioShock 2. Let’s be honest. The end of BioShock 2 was nothing surprising. You fend off a bunch of Brute Splicers and Big Daddies while trying to help Eleanor escape. Blah. It’s fun, but arguably anticlimactic, especially in a second or third playthrough. Minerva’s Den, however, finishes in that challenging and extremely satisfying way where the credits start to roll and you set down your controller at the end and say, “That’ll do, controller. That’ll do.” And then smash beer cans and do your touchdown dance or whatever it is people who are not wealthy do.
3. The twist at the end was unexpected. BioShock is a game franchise known for its surprises. Atlas is Frank Fontaine. Booker is Comstock. Soilent Green is people. (IT’S PEOPLLLLLLE.) Without giving anything away, I will say that this was unique, and I liked it.
4. You get a pretty cool new weapon and a new plasmid. Because Minerva’s Den is a self-contained unit, it follows that they will have technology that is slightly different. Therefore, we get LASERS. I’ll say that word again. LASERS. The Ion Laser quickly became my go-to weapon as I played through Minerva’s Den. We also get the Gravity Well plasmid, which is ridiculously fun. I didn’t even get mad when I botched my use of it five times in a row and accidentally Gravity Welled some corpses. Not that I normally find tossing corpses around willy-nilly to be an enjoyable pastime. People hunting, yes. Corpse tossing, no.
5. This is actually a spoiler, so I am labeling it SPOILER so that you will know not to read on. Are you reading on? Suit yourself. The protagonist in Minerva’s Den is a man of color. How often does this happen in video games? Is “never” accurate? As we learn in the aforementioned twist ending, Charles Milton Porter is Subject Sigma. Charles Milton Porter is African American. Subject Sigma is African American. How cool is that? (You have to play the game to find out his story. I’m not telling you.)
6. Minerva’s Den has a generally happy ending, whether or not you save or harvest the Little Sisters. AND here’s another spoiler, so stop reading right now, you glutton for punishment: You finally get to stand face to face, sans partition, with Brigid Tenenbaum for the first time.
So, there you have it. My reasons for playing Minerva’s Den ASAP. I will leave you now and go back to what I was doing, which was definitely not flying around the grounds of my estate in a tiny rocket ship.