Tag Archives: the elder scrolls

The Lusty Dalish Maid

Whaddup weirdos, I missed you!

Through the long, dark, mentally-weird dungeon of February, I played a lot of games and I read a lot of fanfic. And now, in the first light of March, I venture forth victoriously to deliver unto you this jewel I discovered in the course of my journey:

Some glorious genius wrote a pitch-perfect parody of Morrowind’s Lusty Argonian Maid transposed onto interactions between Solas and a Dalish Inquisitor in Dragon Age Inquisition.

“We shall make use of your deft hands, ma enansal.  Tend to my staff, it is in dire need of polishing.”

“Fenedhis, it must be made of Oak!  How would you have me bring it to a shine?”

“I am sure you will be able to improvise, da’len.”

I cannot stop laughing. Please bestow some kudos upon this masterwork to encourage the author to write more! These are the shining lights that sustain us throughout the bleak winter, friends.

Screenshot 2015-03-02 11.12.45

Saint Jiub the Eradicator of the Winged Menace

When we settle down to carve the turkey this Thanksgiving, we should take a moment to recall another bird that was carved in the Third Era, Year 431 of the Elder Scrolls, on the volcanic island of Vvardenfell. Ah yes, the dreaded Cliff Racer.

The repentant Dunmer Jiub set out to rid the land of this blighted menace, and did much to accomplish his noble aim.

In the end Jiub was led into a trap, and though he was assaulted by a murder of at least 76 Cliff Racers, proved victorious after two days of unrelenting battle. Vivec Himself bestowed sainthood upon Jiub, conferring upon him the title “Saint Jiub the Eradicator of the Winged Menace.”

I say we should remember the Cliff Racer in all its horror as we sit down to feast tomorrow. When remembering these foul…birds, scourge upon the fair province of Morrowind, we can be truly thankful for the works of the great Saint Jiub.

Saint Jiub the Eradicator of the Winged Menace, by Joseph Culp

 

Joseph Culp remembers the annoyance of the Cliff Racer all too well.