Every day I think to myself, “This would be a fun video game. But one that only I would find fun.” Because I am disgusting and have weird tastes in fun. Here are some games I really wish existed.
1. Masterpiece Theatre Presents: Crazy Attic Wife Shootout- An action-packed video game about the best character from Jane Eyre. Get her before she burns down the mansion!
2. Cut and Run- A stealth video game about moving out of your apartment in the middle of the night to avoid paying next month’s rent.
3. Super Smash Executives- The guys from your accounting firm go head to head in this battle game.
4. 8 Glasses – In this mobile game, you must check in with your character all day and give him a glass of water. But be careful! If you give him too much, he will wet himself, causing water damage to your phone. If you give him too little, he’ll get kidney stones and you’ll have to marry him so that he can be on your insurance.
5. Brunch- A strategy game where you must plan a brunch with 10 friends. Get everyone there on time so you can keep your reservation or you lose!
6. 12 Angry Men- Can you sway the other 11 jurors to go your way in the time allotted? Or will a clearly innocent man be executed. (Vibration setting cannot be turned off during electrocution.)
7. I Am the Butcher- An RPG where you must play as a 46-year-old butcher named Freddy. No, his appearance is not customizable. Now, what’ll ya have? The pork shanks? Good choice.
8. House Plant- A game app where you check in on a houseplant every two weeks. Did you forget? It’s dead now. Are you happy?
9. Dirty Harry- Did he fire six shots or only five? Because that’s all he’s given to finish this action/adventure game filled with racism.
10. BioShock: From the Files of Police Squad- It’s just BioShock, but we have Frank Drebin instead of Jack.