Ed.: In accordance with Hannah’s wishes, we have refrained from copy editing her review of Thief.
Thief the game
With my short lived life as a gamer girl, I have not heard of the Thief (2014) before, until it was available for free for Xbox live gold members for 360 a few weeks ago. (I have to admit, even with my constant Elder Scrolls Online playing on Xbox One I still check back with good ol’ 360 for free games bi-monthly. Besides, there are way better free games for 360 than One, which is relatively new system and there aren’t as many “good” games that are out of season yet.) The almost monochromatic, mysterious cover art where the guy looks like the merchant from RE4 in his golden days. I knew I would be all in for this game. And who doesn’t secretly adore a shady pale guy covered in black eyeshadow that competes with your favorite raccoon of the backyard? As I’ve stated earlier, my gamer life is pretty new. I’ve never played any games seriously (watching my brother play Nintendo 64 and Sega back in the 90’s doesn’t count, unless it ever did) until the release of Skyrim (2011). I could go on about my first experience playing a console game seriously now and it would be funny to you but I am gonna save that for later where the story is more relative to what I’m writing. Back to our Thief talk, knowing my background, I did not know of the earlier games. All I knew was that I was going to enjoy this game VERY MUCH. Continue reading Theif→
I am playing Dragon Age Inquisition on the Xbox 360. My first character is an Elf Rogue Archer named Yuna. She was originally named Velyuna, but after remaking her twice due to makeup fuck-ups that bothered me once the game actually began, I decided she was the type of person who would drop the first syllable of her given name and just go by Yuna.
Yuna has medium brown hair, lovely green face tattoos, perfectly shaped ears and a retroussé nose and Alix Wilton Regan’s voice. She is earnest but often sarcastic and, much like her creator, has a weakness for handsome human men. Yuna is really good at shooting things with a bow and arrow. And Yuna hates wearing clothes.
I know why you’re here. Come around back and I’ll whisper to you through the screen door. Hurry up now. I don’t have all night.
You’ve come about the bad video games, haven’t you? You want to know about the games that people play, even if the graphics are terrible, the controls are baffling, the storyline is not engaging, or basically the critics all hate it.
I tell you what, I sure love Earth Defense Force 2017, with its terrible graphics and hilarious voice work (EDF! EDF!) I love how when you shoot a building, the whole thing comes down. Watch this video and you’ll see what I mean.
See? I should laugh at this game and then go back to doing something cool. But I can’t.
The co-op play is amazing. It’s like getting to be in a terrible SyFy movie. With a huge arsenal of weapons. Giant bugs! Giant robots! Shooting a spaceship in can what can only be described as its butthole! And you can buy it for under $10 for the Xbox 360. Earth Defense Force 2017 is what gaming is all about. Go get yourself a copy of it. And then let me know what terrible games you’re into.