So in that bar on Illium, in Mass Effect 2—the one where Matriach Aethyta works—if you’re a big creep who goes around and eavesdrops on other people’s conversations and you listen to that multi-species group of dudes watching an Asari exotic dancer for a bachelor party, they confirm that the physical appearance of the Asari differs depending on who’s doing the looking. The convo (heavily paraphrased) goes something like this:
Salarian: “It’s cool that you guys find the Asari so attractive. I’ve always found that interesting, since they look so much like my people.”
Turian: “What? No! They look like Turians! Check out the mandibles on this babe.”
Human: “I don’t know what you guys are talking about. They have boobs.”
And then they all look at one another with dawning realization and say something like, “Whooooaaaa, dudes, what DO the Asari really look like?”
Good question, bros! I have spent a lot of idle time wondering about it since. I imagine a few things are consistent across racial perceptions:
- With the exception of Shiala, the Asari are blue.
- The Asari have headtails, and they don’t have hair.
- The Asari are bipedal. (Maybe? They might look like floating blue jellyfish to the Hanar.)
- The Asari look like stereotypically feminine women of whatever species. Otherwise, in the eyes of human people who like to get it on with dudes, I imagine they’d look a little more like this:
Since, you know, presumably they appear attractive in the eyes of whoever’s looking at them to maximize their reproductive chances, I guess? I’m no xenobiologist. But ANYWAY, the real question here is:
What do the Asari look like to each other?
- flat, featureless blue circles with eyes
- dolphins who walk upright
- invisible disembodied voices who can’t see one another at all
- Earthworm Jim
- Dolly Parton
- Steve Buscemi
- animate pepper grinders
- Ken dolls
- tall piles of dryer lint
- Michelangelo’s statue of David
Is the Asari taboo against reproducing with each other really due to their concern about integrating varied genetic material into the species, or are they just prejudiced about Asari-on-Asari action because they look really weird? Who knows?? But it’s fun to think about. What do you think the Asari look like?