What game should you play on Valentine’s Day?

If you are single and long for a romantic connection:

LelianaPlay Dragon Age: Origins. There’s no better setting for falling in love than an archdemon-instigated darkspawn Blight, and Alistair, Morrigan, Zevran and Leliana are some pretty appealing options. Alistair and Morrigan will only go for opposite-sex hook-ups while Leliana and Zev are open to relationships with characters of all sexes and races, but all four are compelling characters with interesting romance arcs, totally capable of making you forget all about the outside world and interacting with real people for the duration of playing. Don’t just take my word for it! As someone commented on an article I wrote about Alistair last year, “Alistair made me believe in love again. I’m only 50% joking.” And Morrigan is voiced by Claudia Black, who has probably the world’s best voice to listen to on Valentine’s Day. Yesssss.

If you are single and filled with rage at the very concept of romantic relationships:

Garcia HotSpur and JohnsonPlay Shadows of the Damned. Look what love does for Garcia Hotspur! He found a chick in a garbage bin outside a grocery store, took her home and fell in love with her (after she once chased him around with a knife), and now he’s in hell battling demons in order to save her from being a snack for the Lord of Demons. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But so much fun! Violence and gore and hundreds of dick jokes! It’s a great way to take out love-induced aggression.

If you are single and haven’t even thought about Valentine’s Day, because you are content with yourself and above the sordid strugglings of the rest of us:

EponaPlay a Zelda game. You’re the Hero of Time! You’ve got more important things to do than moon around over somebody else. You are okay with the fact that none of the denizens of Hyrule will ever adequately recognize your efforts to save their world; for you, it’s about the journey, and you are content with your own companionship. And in the event that you do get lonely, you’ve always got a fairy, or shadow person, or even a boat to chat with.

If you are one half of a couple:

MinecraftFor God’s sake, play something the two of you can play at the same time. Extremely legitimate scientific studies show that 75% of gamer breakups are precipitated by fights over controller custody. Also, make sure to play a game that calls for the two of you to work together, rather than compete against one another. Homicides have come of one partner besting the other too many times in Super Smash Brothers.

If you are spending Valentine’s Day with friends:

Rock BandPlay a Wii game that requires everyone to make themselves look stupid, like WarioWare: Smooth Moves, OR break out your music game peripherals from 2007 and sing sad love songs to each other on Rock Band.

 

If you enjoy MMORPGs:

WoWWhat the hell are you asking me for? Get online and play the one you like best!

 

If you are Bethany Bryan:

Electro BoltPlay BioShock.

 

If you are surrounded by people you want to see naked and/or want to get naked in front of:

Play strip Mario Kart.

Banana Peel

Have fun!

4 thoughts on “What game should you play on Valentine’s Day?”

What do you think?